Dear handsome,
I guess I was in love with you just a tiny bit before we even met. I already knew so much about you, and how you looked. Then one day early last year, we finally met with our friends and had a very, very funny day. When you left, to go back to your hometown, I knew I was smitten and even though I had said I wanted to give myself a long stint of single-dom, after a horrible marriage, if you had asked me out there and then. I would have said yes. Absolutely.
You came to see me again, and we got together, kind of. I came to visit you a few times, you always made me laugh harder than I ever thought I could. But after a while I became aware that it was starting to hurt. We slept together for the first time. Then I realised that your obsession with another woman, was firmly there, and not going away. As our relationship was casual you would talk about her every time I saw you.
People would ask you why we weren’t together and you would say you wanted to be single. I understood that, really I did, but my love for you was so powerful it overwhelmed me. You would get close to me and then run away. Being honest with myself, I did the same thing. I was too scared of how much I could feel. I tried to break off contact and tried in a round about way to explain how my heart was aching and I had to for my own good stay away. You kept in touch. I don’t think you understood how hard I had fallen.
I came through a bad few months and felt more in control of my emotions and we continued to be more than friends. I had other ‘more than friends’, but none whom I really felt anything for apart from having fun. I think then you started to see me differently and then I began to fall in love with you all over again. You would tell me things you would never tell anyone else. I knew you needed me just as much as I needed you. You cried about things that made you sad and I looked after you. I have tried to inspire and support you to make the changes you need to make your life all you want it to be.
We were always in constant contact with silly messages and phone calls. I lived for them.
Then I would visit again, but you would make me feel unwelcome unintentionally, I knew you were not having a good time emotionally, but I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again. Then one day, it really did all get too much and I freaked out and cut you off. I was astonished at your reaction. You were so very upset, and your apology broke my heart. We were actually quite honest with each other for what felt like the first time ever. We told each other we love each other, and I know we do. But I know you will never love me in the way I want you to. Spending time with you recently was magical. You never fail to make me laugh and your arms around me really do feel like home. They feel like home.
After nearly a year of falling asleep thinking of you, and thinking of you as soon as I wake up I decided that enough was enough. I have reached the point after nearly 2 years alone that I want to be able to shower my affections on someone, plan things together and feel again. I was never going to be able to do that while my heart was ‘you’ shaped. I have met someone lovely, and he seems to like me. I have to give up on you. I know I don’t want to but I have no choice. I wish you would do something monumental to make me change my mind. It makes me so sad to give up on the man of my dreams, my world, my universe, my everything.
At least I know we will always be friends, and everyday I thank the stars for bringing you to me.
That is all.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sat 6 Mar 2010, 16:02, 4 replies)

Clickety Click
Well written. Hope is was catharic.

He's your bestest Friend, we don't have too many of them.
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Sat 6 Mar 2010, 17:01, closed)

True..
I am so glad to have him any way I can!
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 7 Mar 2010, 12:15, closed)

I know the feeling
I've just left a similar situation, and it absolutely broke my heart. Because of his behaviour afterwards, in my case it ended with me telling him that the only thing that could make me happy from it all is if I don't hear from him, see him, hear about him, or find any evidence that he ever existed. A little harsh I know, and it was an e-mail I sent(so not suitable for this QOTW), and I felt the weight of the world lift from my shoulders I did.

Good luck with moving on

D
(Duckeee Is nothing special, in fact, she's a bit of a bore, Sun 7 Mar 2010, 9:48, closed)

I feel better for it.
Thanks D!
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 7 Mar 2010, 12:16, closed)