Fish and Chips.
At work we always go and get fish and chips (only about three of us in the office so usually cheap) and we always take it in turns going.

We always comment on the size portions that we get, aka the lady behind the counter must like me cos she gave us more chips for the price, and usual bullshittery like that. (helps that the lady is good looking)

Anyway, I comment that I can get the best chip ratio, and that if I go. I will get us a shit load for the money, and if I didn't come back with the goods. They'd get to go home early. (and if I brought loads, I could go home early.

So grabbed the money (costs us about a tenner), and I whistle over to the shop. As I walk in I wink at the lady behind the counter. Ordered my stuff. Made small talk (weather, business, crap like that), got my stuff, winked again, and walked off, got back. Put the stuff on the table.

Then, and then I realised something. Smiling up at me, was the mug of HRH!! Shit. I managed to not pay.. Shit!!! (that one I said a loud.) Oh shit! (that too was said a loud.)

"What you done Dante, forgot the curry sauce you twat?" Sneered one of the other guys.

I flashed the tenner at him. Stuck the middle finger up, ate my chips, and fucked off home as happy as a chinaman with all the bacon grease.

Also, the chip shop never twigged. She's pretty so she might get the money back one day.
(Dante licked your nipple on, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 19:08, Reply)