I used to work for and after-school program in the city...
...and while most of the people who worked there were nice, one woman was bitch of biblical proportions. She was maybe 4 ft 9 (1.5 m?), fresh off the boat from India, and had a permanent scowl on her face.

She was hired as an adjunct to the main program, and had her own staff. One such staff member was a cute little blonde thing that was A) too young to legally work, and B) a really nice kid. Everybody in the program got the same lunch break, so she and I often split some food and talked. She was maybe 12 years old, but a genius with robotics. Since a lot of the children we were supposed to be teaching were around my friend's age, I took to keeping an eye on her and making sure the students didn't give her any sass.

When I wasn't in the classroom, my job was often to haul materials from one end of the building to the other. Of all the girls employed, I was the tallest and strongest, so most of the brute labor was left to me. As I was pushing a metric fuckton of legos on a rolling cart to its final destination (the computer lab), I saw my little 12 year old friend run out of the lab in tears. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that Epic Bitch was yelling nastily at her and the other robotics staff for no reason, had been doing so for 40 minutes, and intended to keep them there for another hour. I told her it would all be alright, gave her a hug, and sent her back in.

I waited till I had counted to ten, took a running start with the cart, and crashed in straight through the lab door while shouting at the top of my lungs "COMIN' THROUGH!!!!"

Epic Bitch yelped with surprise as I bashed the cart into the doorframe loudly a few times, ostensibly "adjusting" the angle of entry. I looked the Epic Bitch in the eye and said, "Oh don't mind me, carry on!".

The setup of the room was multiple rows of tables with chairs, with cabinets (my legos' destination) at the far end. As soon as Epic Bitch started talking again, I started to move the cart through the mire of chairs, making sure to bash the cart into as many chairs as possible, making a god-awful din the whole time. It wound up sounding like this:

Epic Bitch: So I— (CRASH!!) I've been disappoi— (CRASH!!!) Been disappointed in the—(CRASH!!!) Disappointed in all of you for— (CRASH!!!)...

Once I got to the cabinets, I made a big display of getting out my key, dropping my key, cursing loudly over dropping my key, wrestling with the key in the lock while cursing, and then finally opening the cabinets with a very loud BANG.

A lot of the robotics staff knew me, and they knew exactly what I was doing. Most of them were trying (and failing) to hide their laughter. Epic Bitch knew she was losing her audience and was not amused.

Epic Bitch: "Well, now that things have died down, I have to say if you don't adhere more strictly to protocol, I'll be forced to—"
(About 2,000 legos come crashing to the floor)
Me: "OH MY GOD!!! WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO DROP EVERYTHING RIGHT AT CLOSING TIME?!?! I AM SUCH A FREAKING KLUTZ!!! I'LL BE CLEANING UP LEGOS FOR ANOTHER HOUR!!!!(cursing and grumbling)"
Robotics staff: "Wait, it's closing time?"
(Robotics staff grab their things and run before Epic Bitch can get a word in edgeways.)
Me (looking at Epic Bitch sheepishly):" ...Sorry. It's been a VERY long day."
(Exit a very pissed off Epic Bitch)

I was stuck cleaning up legos for a while, but it was worth it to me to help out my friends. Apparently Epic Bitch didn't yell at them so much after that, and the whole robotics staff bought me ice cream after!
(Audienda, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 17:20, 1 reply)

oh man, those immigrants, eh?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:16, closed)