There's a bloke called Kenny round here.
He's a drunkard. He once punched me in the stomach when I was on my way to a karate lesson in full gi. I was eight.

There are a range of Kenny stories. Like when my friend saw him put tissue into his underwear and pull out a soggy, piss-stinking tissue.

He leaves cartons of Chinese food and curry around the main road. If you see him take food off of the pavement or off of someone's wall, he's probably stashed it, so don't worry too much about his nutrition.

One of the odder things he's done was to take offence at a bus I was on. He jumped in front of it and started trying to pull the windscreen wipers off. When this failed, he started flicking Vs at the driver. I think he was shouting something about the Pope. I can't be sure.

But more Kenny. He once racially abused some black man in the Chinese, who then proceeded to threaten him with a beating (rightly so). Kenny went out onto the main road and sat in front of a car for 20 minutes. Nobody could move him, and after a while he started laughing and just left the road of his own accord. The traffic jam was horrendous.

He's also, according to a mate, kept pulling up this woman's skirt and smelling her naughty bits. I'm not sure how she reacted, but it can't be nice having a drunkard of 40 or more with his nose in your flaps, can it?

Also round here, we've got Duckman. He might not be a nutter, but nobody can understand what he's on about. He's about eighty-two and will go along the streets talking in his weird duck-like quack. Try to do ventriloquism whilst holding your nose and use lots of M sounds. That's how it sounds.

And the cleaner at my school is a paedophile who won the lottery, according to rumour. I know he's a paedophile as he asked my nine-year-old sister to his house. I've got word that he won the lottery but he spends all his money at Ladbrokes. A sixty-year-old bloke, about four feet tall, wearing glasses with grey hair. Scary.

The East End is full of nutters.
apologies for length
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 22:44, Reply)