Local NuttersEverywhere in the world has its fair share of deranged people. I grew up in Wolverhampton and remember the Polish tramp who lived in a tent on the roundabout. Legend had it that his coat was stuffed with cash. More recently I notice the guy who spends his day pushing a trolley round Camden Sainsburys shouting, "Best of luck!". Constantly. Tell us about your local nutters. Points for details. Extra points for photos.
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rob, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 11:54)
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driving instructorpossibly the most dangerous around...
Every time I had a lesson, he would begin by producing 'irrefutable' pieces of evidence that Elvis was alive, pointing out the highlighted words, his misspelt middle name on the death certificate, and other nuggets of conspiracy which a 18yo girl would undoubtedly be enthralled by, and obviously would make the person who imparted this highly interesting info look fuckable. Everytime he cracked a joke while I was driving (usually speeding down the A1 coz his speedo didn't work) he'd shove my shoulder hard as his tramp-like skinniness could muster, not satisfied until my head cracked against the window. He had a greasy mini metro with dodgy brakes, and made me slow down for blondes. I am blonde. I was disturbed.
So the next time he cracked a joke (had to be racist/sexist or just generally against someone) as we were hurtling down a single-lane country road I took both hands off the wheel and covered my eyes in a mock expression of 'give me strength'. I was accused of dangerous driving. Touche Billy you fuckwit!
Could be worse. My mate's instructor had a false arm (had a trunk full of them, but his favourite seemed to be the affectionately-known 'wanky hand', for changing gear of course) and he was outed by the ever-classy 'Mirror' for touching girls up. Luckily she didn't seem to be 'his type'.
Apologies for piss-weakedness.
(, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 23:03, Reply)
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