Losing itBluehamster tells us: "This morning I found myself filling my mug not a teabag, but with Shreddies." Tell us of the times when you've convinced yourself that you're losing your marbles.
(
Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:59)
« Go Back
So I was 18.... and I'd just started seeing a girl, who, prior to meeting me, had tried to commit suicide with a bottle of vodka and a bottle of paracetamol. As a result, her liver was absolutely mashed. I only found this out once I'd invited her out for a drink, and she'd asked for an orange juice, which obviously wasn't going to get her drunk.
"It means that after one half of lager, I'll be as pissed as you are after five pints" she told me. Ah, I thought - while entertaining enough as an idea, what of the outside world, I wondered aloud, which is akin to having two more pints?
"It's OK" quoth she, "I sober up in the fresh air".
Clearly this girl was from outer space.
No matter, we spent the evening inside, and it was here that we began to talk in earnest, about the important matter of sex. I told her I was a virgin.
"No you're not" she rebutted.
"I am" I told her.
"You're not" she instructed me.
"I am, I swear" I protested.
She changed the subject, and on we continued, and then at the end of the evening, she had a half of lager, and sure enough, she was as pissed as a fart. We decided to leave, and sure enough, within another ten minutes she was completely sober.
Dancing ahead of me down the lane in the moonlight, she twirled in her skirt and a beam illuminated one blue eye, "What was that crap about you being a virgin?" she called.
"I swear to god I am" I said, joining her, "Seriously I am".
From innocent girl to powerful cougar, the transition was incredible as we got to her room.
There was - quite honestly - someone playing jazz saxophone below the window on that night I became a man.
(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:39,
3 replies)
something something lies somethingsomething something lies sex lies something
something something sweaty internet virgin autism etc
...
I've not been on QOTW in a while, is this still how it's done?
(
emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:18,
closed)
You forgot the bit where everyone else toddles over to agree with you.
(
Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 17:38,
closed)
Jazz saxophone is for little fairy boys...(, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 21:28, closed)
« Go Back