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This is a question When I met the parents

When my g/f first met my parents for lunch, my Dad leant over and ate food off her plate. My mother was mortified, I was a bit confused, she thought it was wonderfull and that she'd been accepted.

We at B3ta are sure you've had worse than this though... tell us all about it.

(, Thu 19 May 2005, 13:27)
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How the hell can I spin one of my tales and still have at least a nodding relationship with the bloody topic?

Ha! got it!

Right - I'm stretching the definition of the QOTW a bit so work with me on this one. Pedants and jobsworths can kiss my arse. Don't like it, don't vote for me.

In the 80's I was working in a market town in Northumberland on robotics research. The mob I worked with were all trippy-hippy techies and musicians. A very talented bunch if a bit weird. Near to where we worked was a place called "The Pastures" - part of the Duke of Northumberland's estate and a favourite place of ours for drunken midnight rambles.

This one night, we'd finished late and headed off to the local pub where we rammed down several beers. Three of the lads also swallowed a couple of handfuls of magic mushrooms - I passed as I was never too happy with stuff that left me feeling out of control - and at closing time we decided to go for a wander through The Pastures. One guy, we'll call him Simon, was totally off his tits on shrooms and was experiencing very vivid hallucinations and was getting increasingly paranoid. As we walked, me trying to calm Simon and the others trying to wind him up, we spotted a few year old bullocks sleeping quietly near some trees. When Simon saw them he just freaked! Thinking they were some sort of terrible fire-breathing monster (steam from their breath) he shrieked and took off like Paula Radcliff needing a shit. He tore off up the hill and over a rise.

"Bollocks" says me. "Lets go and find the silly cunt before he does himself and injury."

So me and the other tripping hippies set off at a gentle jog up the hill where Simon had disappeared over. As we approached the summit we heard a wailing scream of "SHIIIITTTTTT!!!!" followed by a rumbling noise and Simon appeared over the brow of the hill, screaming his head off and ploughed through us with his little arms and legs going like a fiddlers elbow.

"What the fuck????" I said.

And then we met the parents.

Over the brow of the hill came the biggest, ugliest and maddest herd of cows I've ever seen accompanied by a very pissed off bull! We were about 20 yards from the summit when they burst over the rise and charged towards us. I nearly crapped myself. We starburst into different directions and legged it as fast as we could into the darkness...

I remain, as usual,
(, Thu 19 May 2005, 14:12, Reply)

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