Odd dad, and ugly mother I knew she was gonna turn out like.
When in my first year at uni I got involved with a girl and met her parents just before Christmas in a Wetherspoons for lunch.

Her father had only one arm due to a horrendous building site cement mixer accident decades previously. Of course, on meeting him, I extend my hand to shake his right (prosthetic) hand, only to stumble, fumble and then clutch at his left (normal) hand while grinning and tripping over my words like an arse.

Hilariously he quipped, "There's no arm in it" followed by hideous wheezing laughter and every other crap amputee related joke he could think of to put me at ease, I'm guessing.

He was very nervous himself and so was trying extra hard to be friendly and personable. His enormous face was uncomfortably close to mine.

Gf's Mum was a ruddy fat bitch with witch's hair. She just rolled her eyes for the duration of the encounter. And ate.

They scared the shit out of me. gf was plain embarrassed by these awkward flids she called Mammy and Daddy. She was the first of her kin to go to Uni, see, and wanted to impress the middle class me. She insisted we leave after we'd eaten, to assuage her (our?) anxiety.

I didn't get any pudding. I wasn't that desperate to leave. And they were buying.
(jokaah, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:36, Reply)