Drunk is not a good way to do it...
I'd been with the current Mrs Jimlad for a few weeks when talk of meeting her parents started. Thankfully what I thought at the time to be the ideal opportunity arose: Her dad's birthday was the same as my best mate's and they were going to the same pub to celebrate. Great, no having to make bullshit conversation in a drab sitting room, I thought. What I hadn't banked on was already being bollocksed before her parents even turned up (we'd gone to the pub straight from work, they turned up late evening). So being a pissed up fool I'm discussing Mrs Jimlad's tits with my mate and have just reeled off, in a typically loud drunken voice, "I tell you what mate, they were huge to begin with but since she's gone on the pill I swear they're even bigger" - accompanied, ofcourse, with the internationally recognised hand gesture to depict a pair of stupendous swinging melons. I think you can guess where this is going now but it was worse than you think. For some ungodly reason my mate chose this moment to invent and sing a song called "Norks A'grande!" featuring my name, the missus's name and the majestic wonderment of her tits. Then came the bit you've been expecting: I get whirled round by a red-faced missus to meet her mum and dad while I'm still doing the internationally recognised hand gesture for a pair of huge funbags and my mate's singing some nonsense about "suffocating in her pillowy delights".

They've never mentioned it (the girlfriend has though, repeatedly) and I hold on to the slim hope that they were too drunk to remember it.

Still, 3 years and counting.... perhaps they were impressed by the song....
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:54, Reply)