Tih Durnay, Lord Vader
Back when I was in the middle grade of junior high school, my best friend Chris was considerably larger than me, far less intelligent, and incredibly deluded. He often would choose a new hero and take on his identity.

I remember him being several WWF wrestlers--we had to call him the Nature Boy for a time, and the Narcissus.

He was also a huge fan of science fiction, and when we went to an IMAX theatre on a field trip I remember the teacher giving us a strange look when Chris sat in one of the fancy chairs and said "This reminds me of my seat on the Enterprise." During that period he even named me his Vulcan science officer, which I naturally played along with.

His longest-running identity was as Lord Vader, though a bit of the Star Trek bled through. My mom had bought me the Klingon Dictionary for my birthday, so Lord Vader asked me for some useful Klingon phrases. Roughly around that time, I'd asked my Ukrainian grandmother for some Ukrainian swears, and she taught me "tih durnay" which means "you stupid." So, I told Lord Vader that "tih durnay" is Klingon for "Hail the Lord." I then proceeded to let the rest of the class in on the joke.

So, for over three months, everyone would address him with "tih durnay" and he'd reply graciously with something like "Thank you," or "That's right, I AM Lord Vader" and so on.

The jig was finally up when one of my friends was angry with me, and immediately told Lord Vader the truth. I think around this time he was coming out of his Lord Vader phase, so the joke had lost its novelty. Still, he wasn't so happy about it. I offered to make it up to him in a couple of ways.

First, I allowed him to be involved in the next prank of the same type. I taught him "shusnak," the Ukrainian word for garlic, but I told him it meant something insulting I can't remember. I also told him that I'd convinced my other friend Greg that it was Klingon for "Nice hair." So then, I told Greg that if Chris ever said "shusnak" to him, he would have to run his hand through his hair and say "Thanks!" Greg really doubted me, but it only ever came up once and then was forgotten.

Also, I offered to do Chris' homework. We had these annoying two-page fill-in-the-blank assignments every week, and while they were no problem for me they were a huge pain for someone with, say, half my IQ. So, I took his sheet and filled it out, giving him mostly the wrong answers.

The sheets are marked in class with the teacher reading out the answers and asking us what we get. As Chris was marking his paper, he was glaring at me from across the classroom. He was understandably upset, so I offered to do the next worksheet and give him 100%. Next week, and he's marking his sheet in class and glaring at me in murderous rage. So, I offered to do the worksheet for next week. The only reason the cycle was broken was because he was absent the day we were marking it.

Last I heard of him, he'd been expelled from high school for stealing computers from the lab to pay for cocaine.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 0:44, Reply)