The hand that fills the underpants
In the early 80s the TV programme "Arthur C Clarke's Mysterious World" had caused quite a stir amongst us impressionable middle school pupils. Cue lots of tall tales flying around the school about seeing ghosts, UFOs, bigfoots and loch ness monsters (in fucking Slough) etc and so on.

Anyway, a few of us started claiming to own ouija boards and to be seasoned experts in contacting the dead, and so a bunch of kids arranged to meet up in the local graveyard the next weekend in an effort to summon up ghosts, demons and even Hitler as I recall.

Cue sunday morning and about five mildly nervous kids sat in the graveyard, with no fucking ouija board to be seen of course - the nearest one lad had was a few bits of paper with letters written on, and a plastic beaker. It's fair to say that enthusiasm waned a little.

Until we saw Les coming.

Les was not the brightest fella in the world. Nor indeed the most popular. We saw him entering the graveyard looking round for us nervously, so we hid behind the headstones planning to make ghost noises at him.

By chance somebody spotted a soggy old abandoned leather glove laying on the floor and had a genius idea. We grabbed the glove, filled it with mud, waited until Les was fairly close but facing the other way, then lobbed it at him.

It landed almost perfectly on the top of his left shoulder nearly touching his neck - and being damp & mouldy it stuck there for a vital split second.

Les jumped about a foot in the air, looked down to see what it was - and saw a disembodied hand about to strangle him. He screamed like a girl, and ran like greased lightning. Accompanied by a clearly audible "phut phut phut" sound as his arse let go and he shat himself.

Les was never quite the same again.
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(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 13:49, Reply)