The Coven
My mate Ted came to live in London in 1991 to work for a computer magazine and rented a room from one of his sisters friends. This person turned out to be a bit of freaked out new age feminist - all wild-eyed, mad hair and fabric - accompanied with wailing, incense burning and 70's TOTP makeup until ungodly hours in the morning. Her friends were even stranger and through living there got caught up in their strange anarchist vegan schemes and especially the notion of starting a coven and harnessing their power / nature and making their will be done (Kangaroo shite!).

Including the landlady and her friends there were 12 of them - Ted made 13 - the right number for a Coven. One of them had a book of DIY witch-craft which they were trying to follow to the letter but deliberately missed out anything they had "issues" with. Ted got caught up with nightly candle and incense burning, wailing, chanting and stopping to read out loud what to do next from the instruction manual.

After the initial week of feeling obliged to join in with the landlady's and family friend's scheme - he told the group that he was leaving.

"Oh no! You can't leave now! We're going to perform a sacrifice tonight - you know, to invoke a great power to heal and cleanse us with a greater spell. You have to be here.".

Ted went to the pub after work and turned up back at his digs late for the coven, walked into the candle light in the kitchen in the middle of the ceremony, just as the sacrificial blade gleaming in the candle light and the witches intention pierced the skin of their sacrifice causing wailing and wincing from the coven and blood red drip, just as Ted witnessed the fruit knife feebly plunge into the blood orange.

This was as close to a chicken as the Vegans could bring themselves - and apparently some of them even looked horrified as the orange was pierced. Ted pissed, pissed himself laughing, doubled over and went apaplexic. He was asked to move out.
(Catchag "You know!....For Kids!", Fri 21 Apr 2006, 13:02, Reply)