Screaming Embarrassment...
This might take a while so bear with me…

Years ago, when I was 12 and before I got into the kind of teenage parties mentioned last week, I would often stay over with a couple of mates at a friend who we shall call Nick. Nick’s dad had a big house and would often go away at the weekend, leaving us to do what most kids would do: watch 18 rated films, read porn, nick sips from his dad’s whisky and talk shit about girls we fancied.

Now, Nick’s dad had a very fancy hi-fi system. It even had one of those new CD player thingies until Nick broke it (he read that CDs can be played even when covered with jam, you work out the rest). The hi-fi even had a device called hi-speed dubbing which allowed you to record tapes at fast speeds. Now, if you taped something at high speed and played it back at normal speed, it was slow, deep and spooky. We fucked around for hours doing scary voices, even going off key a little so that we sounded discordant and weird. When it came to listening back to our efforts, we put the tape in and pressed play. And nothing happened.

Power cut. No tape, no lights, no top-loading VCR, no illicit watching of Robocop. Bugger. So we did what any other kid would do in a black-out. We lit candles, constructed a tent like thing in the lounge (the reason why escapes me) and told ghost stories to each other. Smart.

So come 2 o’clock, we’re in a makeshift tent in the lounge, in candle-light and telling more and more gruesome stories. Nick had just come to the end of his tale and was finishing with the immortal line: “And the bodies were never found…!” We were enjoying the shiver of terror down our spines in the silence that followed when from somewhere outside of the tent we heard at an ear-shattering volume:

“YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Followed by a high pitched, girly scream.* It was at this point that I soiled myself for the first time ever.

Turns out that the power had come back on but in our idiot attempts to make the machine work we had stuck it into play and whacked the volume right up. After we had turned every light in the house on, I made my excuses and waddled to the bathroom.

And they never did find the bodies…! Mwa ha ha ha ha!!!



* It had been me screaming like a girl.
(Mr Evian, Mon 24 Apr 2006, 13:06, Reply)