He smells great!


I was taking care of a man who had lost his nose. The docs had grown a replacement for him out of his own forehead (now that was gross) and reattached it to his nose-stump. I was cleaning the stitches of dried blood and mucus and chatting away with him. I told him it was going to look so much better now and he told me he'd had a plaster on it so as not to scare his 7 kids. I asked, "How'd you lose it in the first place?" He blushed and admitted he'd been in a bar fight and "some asshole bit it off."

"Well, why didn't they just sew it back on at once?"

In this tone of utter and passionate outrage, he answered: "The motherf*cker SWALLOWED it!"



And-- I had a tumor in me tongue about the size of a lima bean and painful, so the doc wanted to sedate me, then take it out under general. I don't do sedation since I am so filthy-minded I make Brian Blessed seem angelic and without any brakes on my tongue (haha) I'd probably ask the cute anesthesiologist if I could blow him.

So he did it under local-it was the coolest thing ever! I could feel everything, but without pain. I could feel the scalpel slide through my tongue, the forceps rootling around in there, the rasp of the tendils of tumour riiipping free... It sounds gross, but it wasn't. I'd love to have an operation like that--to feel everything without any pain.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 20:11, Reply)