Appendix
When I was 17, I lost my appendix. The fucker burst on me one Sunday night. I never really knew what pain was until I started trying to walk to school Monday morning, and it took me 10 minutes to cross the road outside my house.

So I decided to go home and lie down for a spell. Everyone in my family was out at work or school, so I spent the next 10 hours puking up bile and trying not to die.

My mum gets back home about 5-ish, sees me lying in bed and embarks on a massive bollocking, but then she notices the colour of my skin and the fact that me, my bed and the floor is covered in yellowish-green vomit.

So she phones the doctor who comes to check me out, and he says "I think you have peritonitus. I would advise you to get to hospital as soon as possible or there's a very good chance you could die." Cheers mate.

So I get down the hospital and some bastard med student, to literally add insult to injury, sticks his hand up my arse. They put me under, cut me open, and scoop out mushy porridge that used to be some useless fucking timebomb throwback to when we all used to eat fucking grass or something.

I wake up after the op, and I've got a tube right down my jap's eye which is slowly filling up a bag full of piss. And I can't shit for 8 days.

Absolutely horrendous.
(geegee, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 15:12, Reply)