The phone rings in the middle of the night....
Not so much a disaster, but an odd call all the same on Saturday night.

The call came up as 'Private Number' on the screen - so it could have been a chum of mine who usually withholds her number. It being 1:30 in the morning, I decided to answer in case she was unwell (which has been known to happen). Instead of my cheery and cheeky friend, it's a male voice.

Him: 'Is this the sex line?'

Me: 'Huh?'

Him: 'Is this the number to ring about sex advice?'

Me: 'No.'

Him: 'So this isn't a line for sex advice?'

Me: 'No, not for advice.' *

Him: 'Who is this?'

Me: 'I'm a private individual. What did you want?'

Him: 'Well, I'm getting married and want some advice.'

Me: 'I'm not an advice line.'

Him: 'I don't want to marry a girl who isn't a virgin. So I want to know about if she bleeds or not, whether that means I can tell if she's a virgin.'

Me: 'I'm not an advice line, but I can answer that.'

Him: 'You can?'

Me: 'Yes. These days it doesn't mean anything.'

Him: 'Why not?'

Me: 'Everyone's built differently. A lack of bleeding isn't a sign a girl isn't a virgin, it just means she didn't bleed. Some girls are built like that.'**

Him: 'So if she doesn't have sex for two or three years, will it grow back?'

Me: 'No.'

Him: 'It'll never grow back?'

Me: 'No.'

Him: 'OK, thanks, Bye.'

And off he goes. He's not rung back for more advice so far.

* I am a contact number for a sex-related group, usually to filter out oddballs, hence the qualification.

** FFS, 1:30am is not the time for gynaecological conversations with total strangers. I know there's more to it, but not in these circumstances.
(uncle whippity, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 17:39, Reply)