Autistic cat
My cat, Rasputin as I have named him for all the difference it makes to his ridiculous existence, is stupid. Many cats are stupid, but he is very, very stupid. Any normal cat, you throw some ham on the floor and it is devoured. Rasputin usually misses where it's been thrown and ends up searching wildly about two inches away from it.

Yesterday I thought I would get some wooden cat litter, because it keeps the smell in and something pretend about the environment. Rasputin, giant Aspie that he is, has enough trouble with the litter tray anyway. He tries to pull everything in a two foot radius into the tray both before and after use. And sometimes when he doesn't even want to use it but he's got the urge for some hand-flapping.

Given the drastic change in his routine that was some slightly different litter, perhaps I should have expected it. Last night after my first successful attempt at a relatively early night in a long time, I was awoken at 4am by the furry little Rain Man twat scratching frantically at everything near the litter tray. In honesty it upsets me a bit when he goes all spastic, he got run over some years back and despite his good physical recovery he has never quite recovered mentally.

So partly feeling sympathetic for his useless state of mind, and partly irate at being woken up by him being a retard, I tried to show how the litter was used by scratching at it a bit. No luck, so I decided he should go outside and find a place to go like a normal cat. Five minutes later I realised he had come back in through my housemate's window and woken her up, because she was opening her door to let him into the house.

He came back in, twatted about some more and finally decided that having a poo was appropriate, thank fuck.

And then he shagged some supermodels and did donuts in his Accord, thus keeping me awake until dawn.
(Eukanuba, Fri 1 Feb 2013, 21:15, 5 replies)

I like this story
You made me laugh. Ta.
(Chairman Lmao Something something your mum, Sat 2 Feb 2013, 9:36, closed)

I particularly enjoyed the liberal sprinkling of offensive terms for mental illness.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 2 Feb 2013, 16:33, closed)

It doesn't count if it's satire
You fucking mongy flid.
(Eukanuba, Sat 2 Feb 2013, 18:09, closed)

I like the bit where you find a dictionary and learn what the word "satire" is and then come back here all sheepish and apologetic.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 4 Feb 2013, 19:50, closed)

This actually
made me laugh out loud.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sun 3 Feb 2013, 17:51, closed)