Actually, I do have a story that fits this - not me, but my uncle, two years ago.
He's in his late sixties, and has a house in the middle of nowhere in Scotland.

He was up a tree, tidying it with a chainsaw.

Ropes, harness - that sort of "up a tree, tidying it".

He called out to his son, who was visiting, to come over. On his arriving from the other side of the garden, my uncle said to him calmly, in his usual, moderated and quiet voice, "I think we might have an A&E situation here."

On going through one of the branches, he'd gashed his thigh with the chainsaw, to the tune of needing 25 stitches.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 12:51, 5 replies)

your mum needed 25 stitches

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 13:09, closed)

your mum needed 30.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 13:12, closed)

Your Mum didn't need any
at all.
(username failed moderation, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 15:35, closed)

Your mum was so fat,
She accidently slashed her leg with a chainsaw, necessitating 25 stitches, yet she kept calm and asked for an ambulance in a civil manner.
(McChinaman banned, Tue 6 Aug 2013, 20:42, closed)

You utter bastard.
That may be libelous.
(username failed moderation, Wed 7 Aug 2013, 8:43, closed)