A pearoast in which I received the bollocking of a lifetime off my mother...
It was 2 days before my 6th birthday and I was merrily skipping home from school with my sister. Chatting about this and that we made our way up the drive and saw our mother at the door looking thoroughly pissed off. Dragging me into the house she sat me down on a chair and proceeded to interrogate me. ‘Flim-Flam, have you invited anyone to our house for a birthday party?’ I looked blankly at my mother, mainly because I had no idea what she was going on about. I said no and then she went berserk and burst into tears.

It transpired that one of our neighbours had been having a spring clean and came across an invitation to a birthday party at my house, this invitation was for the previous year when I did in fact have a birthday party. So my neighbour called up my mother asking if the party was still on for the 11th. Now my mother rather than work out the connection between someone cleaning their house, discovering old paperwork and getting their years mixed up, assumed that somehow I had managed to - go out to the shops, buy invitations, write in readable print that I had a birthday coming up and distribute said invitations around to our neighbours without her being aware… I WAS 5 DAMMIT, I COULD BARELY PUT ON MATCHING SOCKS LET ALONE ORCHESTRATE A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR MYSELF WHILST KEEPING IT A SECRET FROM MY MOTHER! So rather than believe that I hadn’t actually arranged anything my mother grounded me and went out to purchase party supplies!?!

Cue me sitting in my living room on my birthday, with a party I didn’t want, festooned with party paraphernalia, with no guests except for my retarded neighbours kid, no presents and no idea what was happening.

I still bring this up every now and then with my mother she apologises each time blaming her behaviour on being a bit mental at the time. I can sort of understand her behaviour, having three annoying kids all under the age of 10 doing her head in 24 hours a day, but still... I have not entirely forgiven her or my neighbour for that matter. *folds arms and nods*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Feb 2010, 14:49, 1 reply)

I still fail to put on matching socks most mornings.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 15 Feb 2010, 23:45, closed)