2 good mum stories.
Mater (RIP) was somewhat of a nutjob, "proper" eng-er-lish laaadyyy. Here are 2 of my faves that always raise a giggle (@ least from me anyway).
I was 9-10ish and having procured my first cig (stolen by a mate off their old man) went to try it behind the aircon of the place we were house-sitting. The aircon is a big box with a pump inside surrounded by straw-like matting that water dribbles down to cause an evaporative cooling effect as the outside air is sucked inside (but is completely dry when not in use). Mum was inside in the bath. Halfway thru my first cig (hack, hack cough, cough) mum shouts out "WHERE"S THAT SMOKE COMING FROM?" Smoke from said cigatrette is pouring through the aircon ducting into the house. I panic & quickly stub the cig out on the tinder dry, easily flammable straw...
Smoke suddenly grows exponentially and aircon rapidly burns. Mum screams and runs out of the bathroom in a towel to ring fireys. I run round to the fire-extinguisher (which I had been itching to try out) and put the fire out completely. Fireys turn up douse the aircon (just in case). Mum comes out and asks me what the hell is going on. After mum shouts a lot she susses that something is up and makes me turn out my pockets, finding a lighter (to light cig). She immediately flys into rage and accuses me of being a pyro in front of the fireys.
As penance I had to spend 2 weeks of my school holidays helping & cleaning up around the fire station. When the fire-boss found out the real reason for my transgression he pissed himself.
When B (the missus) was trying to give birth to Mealybugs (induced then a whole days worth of pushing, fetal and mothers' distress and bodgied epidurals) doc makes the call and says "Right off to theatre we go." As I'm following docs, nurses & my (soon to be 2) beloved my mum rushes up to me with an old copy of The Weekend Australian magazine and a sandwich - "in case I get bored or hungry"!!!!
As the registrar is instructing me to strip, gown up then scrub everything really well I patiently explain to mum that I'm about to go into an Operating Theatre to (hopefully) see my daughter and wife successfully through the birthing process. Bub eventually delivered while B's under by emergency caesarian - both fine. Mum always hated me telling this story - so here 'tis.
If there is an afterlife, then cheers mum.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 13 Feb 2010, 7:35, Reply)