Porn Mags..
Before the advent of the 'net at my school (private boarding school) (read "on the stage" to get the picture) all the lads required pron mags.

These posh kids would regularly fail to pluck up courage to go into town to the one newsagents and pick up a copy of thier favourite art pamphlet.

I however wasn't a bashful kid.. and went in there and picked up a copy of Men's World, Club and Mayfair (considered to be the best at the time)... and it started me with an Idea.

The house we lived in had around 60 kids... ranging from 13 to 18, and there was no organised porn system: This clearly had to change. Enter Humpty and the porn library.

I'd buy fresh porn monthly and keep the library well stocked. There was a rental fee of 2 quid, and a return bonus of 1 quid. This ensured good and cheap stock rotation for the lads in the house, and as 40 of us had our own rooms there was plenty of alone-time to ensure the quid wasn't wasted.

One magazine returned in poor condition (stuck together) was held up at the evening meal and the perpertrator was labelled (I nearly wrote "fingered" then... ) and ridiculed. Stock from then on was returned in the best possible condition.

"First loan" on new material was 4 quid, with a return fee of 2 quid... thus giving me a slight profit if someone decided to keep it for good.

The profit was enough to give me a decent flow of good bike parts... and to allow me to march into the newsagents on each month and pick up a -by then- "standing order" of 14 spank-mags. I remeber the new lass being taken a-back when I - a 16 yearold lad - came walking in to buy a 50 quid bundle of porn one day... excellent...

Anyhow... I digress.

I returned home from school one summer holiday, to find that my mum had found the front cover of an old "Fiesta" under my mattress. Oh the Shame. But it gets worse: she'd put it in a little freezer-bag, along with a post-it note with "Sweet Dreams ;o)" written on it under my pillow.

My mum though I was whacking off to a COVER of FIESTA!!! The indignation burned from within... I had to set the record straight. I may bave been 17, But I had pride.

The next morning I produced a Stack of 4 box-files. This repressented 2 year's worth of "Club" and "Men Only".
"Look mum... You found a fiesta cover from YEARS ago... *This* is about a third of what's stored at school... and represents the higher-earning end of my little business.

My mum - bless her cotton socks - after nearly choking on her cornflakes, flipped through a copy of each and said that Club seemed better Quality...

My Dad... well.. He grinned like a wanking Jap and winked. I didnt' bat an eyelid when one of the boxfiles finally made a mysterious retun to my room a day before I went back to school... I did however nearly hurl when I noticed that the bottom 4 Clubs had been replaced with copies of Razzle.

Razzle Reader's Wives... dear God... There's just no need for it.

Length? yeah.. well I've been pulling on it a lot you see...
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Mon 15 Jan 2007, 16:08, Reply)