Thursday silliness - thanks Frank Spencer...and Terry Wogan
John goes to the post office

Chapter 1

It's a lovely spring morning and Janet and John are having breakfast. Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. Who could it be? Ah, it's the courier service with a parcel for John.

"Oh goody," says John, "this must be the new Czerwimkievk variable speed drill that I ordered."

"Oh good," says Janet, "now you won't have any excuse for not doing all those jobs that need doing around the house, will you?"

See John's smile fade as he signs for the parcel. But what's this? It takes both the delivery men to lift the package from the van and bring it into the house. John scratches his head as they drive away and fetches a crowbar to open the crate.

"Oh golly," says John, "they've sent me the wrong model. This is the Czerwimkievk pneumatic road drill. Bother!"

"Well John," says Janet, "you'll just have to return it after breakfast."

Chapter 2

See John sweat as he pulls his little cart up the road to the Post Office. The bell over the door tinkles as John pulls the crate into the Post Office.

"Gosh John," says Miss Trimble the Post Mistress, "that's a big crate, what's in it?"

"It's a Czerwimkievk drill," says John, "but it's the wrong one, and I need to return it."

"A zerwic...zwimk...zerkwim... I can't pronounce that John, is it foreign?" said Miss Trimble, "and besides, that crate will never fit through my window. You'd better bring it around the back, through the small brown door."

"OK Miss Trimble," says John, as he struggles to drag the crate through the doorway, scratching up a large trunk as he does so.

"Oh dear," says Miss Trimble, with tears dripping from her eyes, "you've scratched my Grannies trunk. She died last week and left this to me in her will. I don't even know what's inside it, as I haven't got the key."

"Don't you worry Miss Trimble", says John, "I've got my trusty Swiss Army knife with me, I'll have it open in a jiffy, as soon as I dislodge my crate from the doorway." John kneels down and works on the lock with his knife, but it is rusted up. "Could you give me a hand please Miss Trimble" pants John, as he struggles with the lock. She does, and it soon pops open.

"Oh my," says Miss Trimble reaching into the trunk, "just look at this lovely piece of jewellery John, could you dust it for me please." She opens a faded velvet box and shows it to John. He puts away his penknife and dusts it for her with his hanky. "Thank you John, you are so helpful" she says, and gives John a kiss on the cheek.

"Well, I must be going," says John and he skips out the door and runs all the way home.

Chapter 3

"Hello Janet," pants John, "I'm back from the Post Office."

"You look a bit hot and bothered John," says Janet, "and is that lipstick on your cheek?"

"Well," says John, "when I got to the Post Office Miss Trimble was surprised by the size of my parcel and she couldn't get her mouth round my tool. She said it wouldn't fit in her front entrance and so I had to squeeze it through the brown entrance at the back. It brought tears to her eyes as it was a tight fit but I managed to dislodge it alright. Then she showed me her big chest and asked if I could undo it for her. I had a go with my tool but needed some help, so she gave it a tug as well. I think she was pleasantly surprised when she saw the pearl necklace but she asked me to give it a wipe with my hanky. That was when she gave me kiss on the cheek for being so obliging."

Oh look, Janet's crying now. Do you think John should offer her his hanky? I don't.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 18 Jan 2007, 16:18, Reply)