flashback man
at the age of 16, my friend debbie got her first flat. it was a modest home, she was(and still is) far from rich, but it was enough for her.
she really loved her new home and was extremely houseproud. all was going well.
then it started.
lying in bed one morning, debbie was woken by a loud banging and crashing from the flat above. before she could even get out of bed, she was horrified to hear her neighbour screaming in a most bloodcurdling way.
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!! HELP ME!" he yelled "I'M DROWNING!"
puzzled and more than a bit scared, debbie stayed right where she was.
after ten minutes or so, the noises and screaming died down, much to her relief.
two hours later, there was a knock at debbie's door. when she opened it, her neighbour stood there, looking decidedly sheepish. "i'm sorry about the noise," he said, "but i was having a flashback." he then explained to her that, as a teenager, he'd been in a car that had crashed into a river, almost drowning before being rescued by a passing farmer or some other such helpful person.
satisfied with his explanation, debbie told him not to worry, she understood completely.

scroll forward two months, and captain flashback is at it again. this time, however, it was a different neighbour that knocked.
"did he give you that bullshit car crash story?" he asked. debbie said yes.
"i've known him since we were kids," said her neighbour, "he was never in a crash, he's just doing it for attention."
not knowing if this was the truth or just a pissed-off neighbour trying to cause trouble, debbie decided to suspend judgement.
over the next few month, debbie began to realise that her second neighbour had been telling the truth, largely due to her upstairs neighbour's deranged screams for help ranging from "i'm drowning!" to "i'm burning!" and the ever-popular "i'm starving!"
she did her best to ignore him, but it was difficult.

after a particularly heavy night on the piss, i had decided i was unfit to go home, so had stayed the night with debbie. at 7 a.m, viciously hungover and feeling very runny in the stomach, i was rudely awakened by the nutter upstairs screaming "AAAAAAAARRRGGHHH!! HELP ME! I'M FREEZING!"
not feeling in the most sympathetic of moods, i shouted as loud as i could "WELL PUT THE FUCKING HEATING ON AND SHUT UP!!" before going back to sleep.
strangely, he never had another flashback...
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 16:33, Reply)