Tiptoe through the tulips
I was once in a strange nightclub in Norwich, and very, very drunk.

I decided it would be rather nice to have a big spliff. But, alas, I discovered I was down to my last rizla! Anyone sober, at this point, would either have settled for a small reefer or given up.

I, on the other hand, decided to make a tulip.

For those unfamiliar, a tulip is formed by making a cardboard tube out of the front of your rizla packet, then sticking your rolling paper back in on itself to form a package, filling said package with dope and tobacco, then inserting said tube into said package, tying the neck with "string" made out of cigarette packet foil, and then flipping the execess paper back up round the bulb, forming a flower.

It's not an easy thing to do. And the result is pretty impressive. So I was particularly amazed by the fact I pulled it off whilst completely rat-arsed. I got a good back-slapping round of congratulations from my mates, sat back, and lit the thing up.

At that point I became aware of two things.

Firstly, most of the people in the nightclub had stopped dancing and had come to sit in a big circle round our table.

Second, there was a tremendously nervous nightclub employee hovering over me, offering the following advice ...

"The management don't really mind if you do that in here, sir, but ... could you be just a little bit more discreet?"
(MattDP (Squiggle), Wed 8 Apr 2009, 14:23, Reply)