southern discomfort
so one night after a particularly messy breakup, i decided to ingest a heroic amount of southern comfort, and go for a boogie, possibly even get me some strange tail. in this vein i joined a mate on a trip to the electric ballroom in camden.
i managed to, without really thinking, put down a whole bottle en route in the car from reading- so maybe 35 mins? this was unwise. i don't even remember paying let alone going in. the first thing i remember with any clarity is my sudden jolt into wakefulness as the pavement rose up and clocked me one. i remember thinking to myself that this was rather uncalled-for. as the time passed, i started to piece together things.. it was november, i had brought a jacket but it was in the locked car... as was the phone i would have used to call the person with the keys. it was FECKING cold. after some rather emphatic, brightly coloured and chunky demonstrations of my obvious alcohol poisoning, i slumped into a wretched shivering heap outisde. periodically, a bouncer would kick me and remind me i couldn't sit there, which prompted either a slurred mumble or a further eruption of bile and half-digested chips. chips?? ahh.. yes. i remember, i bought chips, ate half a pack, fell asleep in the chair and THAT was how i woke up faceplanting- the helpful turkish kebab shop owners had seen fit to forcible eject me down the small steps outside the shop!
i sat there for four fucking hours while my mates partied inside, then when they came out they let me back in the car and i passed out.
the next day, i was informed exactly how i got to be outside.
i walked in, gobbed off at the bouncer, spent half an hour in the loo making noises like someone emptying a septic tank with a dyson, came back out, ordered a double, necked it, copped off with a tasty indian girl, tried to dance, bust out some ridiculous moves, then did my best impression of linda blair form the exorcist, and was ejected.
smoothly done loaf
smoothly done.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Sat 11 Apr 2009, 16:49, 1 reply)

Great title
:)
( chart cat has an itch, Mon 13 Apr 2009, 3:15, closed)