I honestly cant remember anything going well....
....once the gravy jug was full of archers.

Long story, probably boring, will do my best to keep it rolling. It may help if you set your mind to 6th form adolescent boy to help you get in the mood of how this still, to this very day makes me shudder with just how much of a class a tit I could be in my yoof.

I think im going to put this in the reply as its likely to be so wagon, and possibly boring, that i dont want to knock otehrs off the page. give me time to write it up though you impatient bstards.
(Smellyape liking http://www.b3ta.com/bpma/, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 9:35, 1 reply)

Actual story
Anyone who was there, who is now on here, is going to immediately know who I am, but by jove ive been waiting to shed my conscience of this one.

The night is New Years Eve circa 1997 maybe 1998, im not entirely sure which one. A group of young 6th formers from a mixed college are trying to start an impromptu party at a surprisingly empty house. It turns out the parents hadnt bothered letting their son know it was going to be empty to stop such a party happening, unfortunately it just led to the most improbably bad party that I'd ever been to.

Being one of the taller in the group of 16-17 year olds and, one of a few that didnt look 14 anymore (I looked about 16), i also thought I was unbelievably cool, I decided that the task of getting Alcohol was down to me. I dont quite recall (there'll be a lot of this) how it came to be but my dads friend Chris was pottering around at about 4pm on new years Eve and for some reason agreed that picking me up from party HQ and going on a beer run to Sainsburys wasnt illegal and had to be done. The poor old dear at the checkout KNEW that the trolley load of archers/malibu/jack daniels/southern comfort stella and carling wasnt for one man on his new years eve, and theres no way his "son" was there to help load the car up, but bless her she still ran it through. For a fleeting instance, on arrival back at Party central I was a king amongst men, truly bringing back a splendiforous haul of booze that would surely make the night go into 6th form folklore. How (unfortunately) right I was.

Now, a small bit of a back story, I was covertly dating a very happy and wonderful girl called "L", could be a bunny boiler at times, but this only kept things interesting. The crux of the night doesnt centre around my covert dating, nor the reasons for it, but she was there, and so was a girl called "S". S, was liked by two of my 6th form friends, one of which was the son of the house owners we were having the party in. Back story over, lets continue......

I decided that our 6th form taste buds wouldnt help us in our drinking quest of warm carling or Stella, so I tried in my new found respect to start a few drinking games, unfortunately these only had names like "chug" and "drown" and involved mainly filling an assortment of pots and pans with a medley of spirits and forcing it on the weakest willed of our group until we were all hammered and Warm Carling started tasting like the Elixir of the gods. It so happens that my favourite spirit at the time was Archers (poncey 6th form nob that i was), and as I had retrieved the alcoholic motherload I was allowed a pint of unmixed (i.e. without cointreau, ouzo or other random bottles found in cupboards) Archers so long as I drank it in one go. It was a spectacular failure, I must have had maybe 3-400 ml (a coke can) of the archers when one of my chums punched me in the gut whcih rather than make me cough immediately somehow opened my throat and let a large dose of peachy schnapps in before I then fell about in a coughing fit. This is where it gets very hazy....I recall lying on the floor at the foot of the stairs being mounted by "L" and kissing till my mouth went red raw (honestly), sir-weet, except it wasnt "L" it was in fact "S", my covert girlfriend had seen the goings on and when "S" was finished in her act of sabotage (openly admitting that she only did this to get my two chums away from her, and asking for her hand in marriage (seriously)) my sweet girlfriend, now less covert than when the night started booted me in the side of the head called me a few names and stormed off. As I came to and realised what had happened I stood up (just) and noticed that no one was to be found. They were all in the garden apparently killing the owners of the house goldfish, in an alcohol fuelled rage spurred on by the 2 depressed and drunk chums of mine, who had seen their chances of romance with S vanquished by the tall skinny nob who started this whole mess.

I would go on and expklin in great detail the arguments, and the fallings out (which still havent healed to this day), but instead I shall give highlights.

I drunkenly apologised to L, who rightfully slapped me and dissapeared upstairs.
Inconsolable, I ran out of the house, on some flouncy tear driven quest for solitary reflection, only to be confronted by a really nice Chinese guy in our 6th form who tried to calm me down, I idiotically threatened him and lunged at him, and using the skills of jackie Chan himself he laid me old cold (quite rightly too). we later made up, but that was the only good thing that happened.
I returned to the house, after some time, and being found by another hosue doing a conga line down the street who ushered me back into "that" party with the kids, I creapt upstairs and fell asleep on one of the bedroom floors. this was when an incredibly sozzled "S" came back up the stairs in a hysterical fit of tears and decided to dry ride me (I kid ye not) in my drunken and depressed state. The brother of the boy whose parents had left was a lot older than us 25-30 but had now arrived, and it was his room I was in, rather than throw a fit, he apologised and said "there's some johnnys in there if you want to help yourself", so I thought why the hell not, however, L was "asleep" on the bed in that room and I had not noticed....this proved to be a step too far for her to overcome in our (increasingly less) covert relationship and she too broke out hysterically. Cue a few of my friends running upstairs in response to the wailing banshees only to find me with my trouser round my ankles, johnny in hand, and two girls screaming at each other, but both slowly finding a completely rational hatred for yours truly.

I somehow managed to sleep, but the morning after wasnt much better, there were broken windows, glasses, carpet burns (on carpets), and the pond outside had had its tarpaulin slashed and the fish had suffocated ina pool of vomit, urine and carling....those poor little buggers, the true victims in this crime of teenage stupidity.

Needless to say not many of us remained in contact after that and I was effectively a pariah afor some time.

L and I tried again at our relationship, but it only lasted a few months whether that was meant to be or we couldnt get over this travesty of a night will never be known but quite honestly it was the worst night out I've ever had.

To top it off one of the guys we were with got drunk went out looking for a fight and got stabbed with his own knife (penknife) when he tried it on with some burly bruiser from a local pub. He was and still is by all accounts a twat so probably deserved it, but still.

Apologies for length, I havent proofed it either as I seriously need to get some work done. But thats been rather cathartic.
(Smellyape liking http://www.b3ta.com/bpma/, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 10:08, closed)