The night out went fine
It was my birthday, I'd drunk heroic amounts of alcohol and indulged in some frankly massive drugs. I'd been to the pub and a houseparty and got myself completely spangled, so the missus bundled me off back to my place and the last thing I remember was getting into bed with her and closing my eyes.

The next thing I remember was her standing over me, screaming that I was a every bastard under the sun, storming out and slamming the door behind her. A few things lurking at the edge of my incredibly-hungover brain alerted me that something was deeply amiss: firstly I couldn't remember what I had done to provoke such a Hiroshima-style outburst, but the clue probably lay in the fact that the door she had slammed behind her wasn't the door to my room. It was a door that I didn't recognise, and while I was definitely in bed, there was someone next to me. Who wasn't my girlfriend.

"Wha-" was about all I could manage. "What the fuck...?"

I was in my (female) housemate's bed, with no recollection of how I got there. At all. Not a glimmer.

Later, I got the full story from the now-mollified missus and the bemused housemate: I'd got up in the night to have a piss on unconscious drunken autopilot and of the two doors leading out of my room to the bathroom I'd chosen the wrong one, and woken up my girlie by trying to climb into the fitted wardrobe. She guided me out of the correct door to the toilet* and went back to bed. Once I'd finished pissing, I'd come out of the downstairs bog to find myself again presented with a choice of two doors. I'd gone through the wrong one, got into bed and fallen into the dead-sleep of an unconscious drunk. Perpendicular across my housemate's bed because she had her room oriented differently to mine. Having tried to wake me up and failed, she'd got out of bed to put some clothes on (apparently she was also stark naked, I have no memory of this either) and settled down to try and get some sleep. My girlfriend had woken up alone, jumped to the wrong conclusions and gone ballistic. It took a while to explain that one, especially when even I didn't know what had happened.

*At least I hope she did, it's just occurred to me that there were two doors there as well, one leading to the toilet and one leading to the kitchen :(
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 9:59, 1 reply)

I choose to read this story with "housemate" replace by "mum".

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 10:10, closed)

If you like
That would probably make a better story
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 10:13, closed)