Scallops
Before I realized how allergic I was to scallops, I gulped down a plate of them at a fancy dinner. Cut to 4 hours later: violently ill, vomiting hard - and - wait for it - I dislocated my jaw! Which hurts A LOT. So off I go to the big city emergency room at 2 in the morning. Remember, my jaw is dislocated so I have a somewhat comical look on my face and I can't speak clearly. Plus I am still quite nauseous. Start out with the intake person, sitting behind bullet proof glass. Me: oi izzo-ated i aw. Her: (thinks: another f=ing nutter) What? Me: oi izzo-ated i aw. Her: (stares) Me: makes writing motion, receives pencil and paper and writes: "I dislocated my jaw while vomiting." She: "Well why didn't you say so?". I'll skip the next few hours during which I sat in the emergency room, still quite nauseous, holding an empty pie tin in case I puke some more. Around me are various knifing/gun shot/car accident victims who, because they are merely bleeding profusely, get whisked right through. Finally, I see an exhausted intern who has no idea how to put the jaw back, but does he let that stop him? He does not. He grabs the back of my head with one hand and puts the other under my chin and pushes together as hard as he can. The most intense pain I have ever experienced. For some reason, this actually snaps the jaw back. (I have since learned a very simple and painless trick for putting it back, as it pops out now every time I yawn.) Quite a lot of pain for a plate of scallops.
(mortdubois lacks imagination, doesn't play well with others, Tue 21 Jun 2005, 3:26, Reply)