Nasal Assault.
Thanks Smashy for reminding me. This maybe a pearoast (as such) but as search is fucked I can't be arsed trawling thru pages of my old crap to look for it.

A couple of years ago...
I drop the missus and bairn at the shops as I have a few errands to run. As I drop them off I notice an old lady sitting at the cab rank near the the entrance to the shopping centre.
3 quarters of an hour later I return and as I'm loading the shopping and family into the car I notice the old lady still sitting there with her trolley of stuff. Cue the need for alarm bells.
I decide to be a good Samaritan and offer her a lift. She accepts and sits down in the front passenger seat. As I'm loading her shopping in the back I notice the missus has auto wound down all the windows in the car. Fully.
I am about to enquire why as I sit in the drivers seat when the stench attacks my nostrils. I still cannot really find the right words to describe it. Imagine the worst faeces and urine smell you can, now imagine that mixture having been aged over several weeks (it was definitely not fresh) and slowly rotting. That's just what the seat smelt like after she had left the car. The closest smell I can relate it to is diosma which is know universally now amongst family and friends as "Old Lady Piss Bush".

Thankfully her house was literally around a couple of corners. During the brief trip there were lots of furtive glimpses between my wife & I in the rear-view mirror trying not to laugh and both of us praying that our 5 yo. daughter wouldn't ask loudly "What's that horrible smell?".
I helped her unload her shopping and made sure she was ok. Apparently her husband was at the doctors - hopefully getting his nose cauterised! Her house was quite quaint and neat and tidy. Her clothes looked clean and her nails were very well manicured. But as I said - the smell was not fresh. She was polite and thanked me, I told her that I'd seen her waiting for a cab for such a long time and just thought I could help. Smart fucking cabbies, eh?
The smell lingered in the front passenger seat for a long time. We tried many things - nilodor, lavender oil, bicarb, carpet shampoo you name it, nothing abated the reek. Pity the poor bastards that bought the car after we'd traded it in.

EDIT: Maybe SM was on to something. After a full on day at work I am often quite sweaty and surely a bit woofy under the pits, particularly if I've been working in the garden or stressing & straining with some plumbing. When I'm particularly grubby I do get told by my daughter to remember bathe after I've picked her up from school since I do look and smell like something the dog dragged home.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 1 Dec 2012, 23:30, 4 replies)

old lady piss bush
sounds like a character from a western :D
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 14:12, closed)

Dodgy pr0n title
for lovers of hirsute mature ladies who perform Golden Showers?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 2 Dec 2012, 23:22, closed)

see see

(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:05, closed)

SMASHY!?!?
ohhhh - larrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr -vers
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:05, closed)