back when I was in the UK
After a night of cheap MASSIVE DRUGS! and cider, I awoke in my flat to the sounds of porno stylee banging, all 'OOOH YEAH' and 'AAAAH!'and was wondering wtf, then my mate Ian poked his head in my bedroom and proclaimed "Lew is banging some bird in his room, AND ITS NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND!"

Me being hungover sent Ian to his room to check it out, then, lo and behold they had more sexy sounds. I popped my head in to look, and they was both having a jolly good poke at this lady, Ian stuck up her arse, and Lew banging her puss whilst she said "NAH Don't do that my arse will smell of shit all day!" when clearly not caring.

And then they invited me to join in too.

Well, gentle reader, I'd love to say I joined in and banged that slag 7 ways from sundown, but, I decided drinking more Red Star vodka and having a few sneaky spliffs was for the best, bade my retreat, fucked off to play video games in the living room and left the lads too it.

When they finished up, we was sat in my living room, and she had the sheer gaul to exclaim

"It's OK! I'm not a slag, I'm engaged!"

Reckon I narrowly missed the herp there.

*edit* Lew met her on the bus on the way back from the Jobcenter, so, eh, must have been a "proper classy chick", as that was a 10 min or so journey!
(yeswehavenopasties, Fri 23 May 2014, 4:21, 5 replies)

if anyone was wondering
it was Rock Ferry. Yeah.
(yeswehavenopasties, Fri 23 May 2014, 4:29, closed)

That doesn't surprise me in the slightest.

( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 23 May 2014, 9:50, closed)

^what he said

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 23 May 2014, 18:22, closed)

'gall'
(CIIJASIIE Fanny Scratching in Cock Lane, Fri 23 May 2014, 11:06, closed)

No, Gaul.
She had a perpendicular iron age Frenchman with her to make her exclamations.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 23 May 2014, 12:08, closed)