Advice my current self would give to my younger self.
My early teens:
The reason you get picked on on the school bus is because you over-react to being teased. Take a step back and look at the problem objectively. In fact, look at your whole life objectively. Remember, your perception of the world is shaped by your thoughts. If you believe this, you will start thinking more positively and adopt a more positive attitude to life. And don't worry; you will eventually lose your virginity.

My final years of school:
Be yourself. If you don't know what sort of person you are, find out by trying new things and talking to more people so that you know how to be yourself. Telling people about your achievements does not make you an egomaniac. Also, being shy is not all bad news - you had more time to get to know yourself and your uniqueness has had extra shielding from peer-pressure. And don't worry; you will eventually lose your virginity.

On entering University:
It's a good thing that you're keen on expanding your interests, meeting new people and broadening your mind, but just don't be feeling insecure about missing an opportunity to go out drinking with your shiny new friends. If you've got work to hand in, don't leave it to the last minute in case your insecurity about missing a night out gets to you. University is a good place to ditch your shyness, just don't try too hard - there's so many opportunities that you don't have to try and take each and every one. And don't worry; you will eventually lose your virginity.

While waiting for my first job:
Be persistent. Keep learning new things relevant for the job. Keep sending off job applications, going to interviews and learning. Wash, rinse, repeat. It's what you want to do so don't lose focus. And don't worry; you will eventually lose your virginity.

On getting my first job:
OK. So you've been given the job. There's no need to keep showing off. Yes, selling yourself to employers is a massive mind-fuck, but now you've started, just get on with the job. Chill out and don't scare your new work-colleagues down the pub. Try not to take your employment for granted - you're paid to do work, not be part of the 'posse'. And don't worry; you will eventually lose your virginity.

On getting my second job:
It's good that you're aware you'll scare your new work colleagues with your enthusiasm and that you're toning yourself down, but don't expect to be accepted into the 'fold' immediately. Be patient and you'll feel more relaxed with everyone, otherwise, you'll be defined as ‘quiet’, which will stick with you. And don't worry; you will eventually lose your virginity.

The morning of the day I lost my virginity:
Don't have a wank this morning and don't get too wankered tonight.

Length? Couldn't get it up at first.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 16:08, 5 replies)

Beautifully written
Monsieur Spak!

*clicks*
( thealternativefact, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 16:12, closed)

I was beginning to worry
about that virginity.

Have a click
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 24 Jun 2008, 16:21, closed)

*click*
That should be in leaflet form for shy kids in the guidance counsellors office.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 16:25, closed)

*Don't * have a wank on the morning you lose your virginity?
Shurely shome mishtake?

Mind you, it certainly helps one achieve an impressive 'volume' in one's man-twat gunksplash.
( chart cat has an itch, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 16:53, closed)

More advice I'd give my past self:
Shit happens.


@bazmorningstar
Back in my schooldays, I didn't have guidance counsellors or Internet.

@chart cat
I'd much rather have premature ejaculation than brewer's droop. At least with the former, you can still go for round 2.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 24 Jun 2008, 19:53, closed)