Dirty Old Bastard!
As I stated previously, I'm kinda good with PC's, and nowadays, like a lot of you here, I get many phonecalls, asking me to sort PC's out from locals, who have caused themselves major problems, by running Windows XP instead of Linux.

Anyway, one chap who I have known for about 15 years, who is married, has quite a successful business, a 6 bedroom chalet bungalow and 4 quite fit daughters called me up one day last year.

Turns out he has a problem with one of his business PC's, that is in a particular room, and only gets used for a particular purpose, and that isnt connected to the 'net.

He couldnt make head nor tail of the problem, and I was off sick at the time, so I suggested that he unplug it, and bring the case round to me, so that I could plug it in, and get to work. An initial look, revealed that it was indeed something serious, and that he really ought to leave it with me for a few days, so that I could take my time, as it was going to be a toughie.

It was like it was infected with a virus of some description, but none of the scans would pick it up, so I had to try and locate the little bugger, and send it off for analysis, as I didnt have the brains myself.

Anyway, I was in and out of files and folders for most of the next day, and then I found it........

In a folder, within a folder, within a folder, within a folder..... all the folders looked like business related stuff. And what was in the offending folder I hear you cry??

39MB of pics...... TEH COCK PR0N!!!!!!!

Needless to say, that for upsetting my already fragile mind, and for being a dirty bastard, he just HAD to have a format c: :-)

So, Windows was reloaded (there was no data that needed to be saved, it was just full of programming software), and a phonecall was placed for him to come get it.

He arrived, I explained what was wrong. He asked me how on earth a virus could have got in there, if it has never been connected to the net..... I explained that it must have come in from another source... he then asked me where it was......

The look on his face when I told him it was in the folder named "xyz" (folder name changed to protect the closet gay).

He had a brief "Oh feck, I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole" moment, then opened his wallet, removed the entire contents, and thrust them into my hand, before blurting something about must hurry, dinner ready or similar, and bolting out the door.....

After he had gone, I smiled to myself, and turned my attention to the ball of crumpled paper in my hand.... 45 quid!!! just for a format c: and a few pictures of penises!

He's been very nice to me since that event.... he used to be a right grumpy fecker... but now he knows that his wife works at the same establishment as me...

I love blackmail :-)
(assistant commissioner terra blanche, Sat 23 Sep 2006, 15:20, Reply)