Not getting on the News
I've done the Blue Peter Dog Sex story more times than is healthy on these pages. So, time for something else.

Not getting on the News

I'm a fair-weather football fan. So, when Reading got to the play-off finals I was there, outside the ground, lining up for my ticket to Wembley so that I might bask in reflected glory.

There were THOUSANDS of us outside the box office in a line snaking down the street, and I'll wager than 90% of us hadn't seen the inside of a football ground since the last play-off failure. Naturally, this was a big media event, and they sent cameras, reporters and big satellite trucks to catch the mood.

It wasn't long before I found a microphone thrust in my face and TV's M*** B****** jumped in with a probing line of questions.

"So, are you queuing for tickets then?"

"Christ – this isn't the Harrods Sale, then?"

"No, really. Are you queuing for tickets?"

"I'm standing outside a football ground, beneath a sign that reads 'Wembley Tickets THIS WAY'. What do you think?"

He stood there contemplating my response, making a sucking noise with his teeth. Realising he was onto a loser, he moved on to the next victim.

"So, are you queuing for tickets then?"

"What? So where does the Park and Ride stop?"

Neither of us got on the news.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:27, Reply)