one saturday morning, in the middle of the summer holidays
my parents had gone away the night before on a weekend city break and my older brother was back in Manchester getting pissed with his university friends. I woke up leisurely with a calculated smile on my face, for today i was going to attempt what I'd previously assumed was impossible.

The internet was still a relatively new phenomenon, and I'd had to curb my online explorations once dad had got the itemised phonebill and subsequently discovered that our internet history was surprisingly empty. BUT, that hadn't stopped me seeing (and saving to floppy disc) an image that had been indelibly seared into my brain. a 22kb jpeg of a grinning and rather sweaty lady, staring manically into the camera whilst grasping an aubergine in both hands, an aubergine that was caught by the camera shutter midway up her distended sphincter. It may be difficult these days to comprehend the mind-boggling nature of such an image on an impressionable, spotty, teenage boy, but i can assure you it was a watershed moment.

When i discovered I'd have the house to myself for the weekend, i started planning. a few days before, I'd got the bus into the nearest city so I could visit a Boots where no-one knew me, and got hold of some condoms and lube. (I'd even been able to ignore the incredulity of the till monkey, who made it clear how doubtful he was that I could possibly want them for myself). I'd also gone to the supermarket, and in amongst some other innocuous items - pot noodles, ham, bread etc, i'd selected the biggest, ripest aubergine they had. My stash was then safely secreted in the bottom of my wardrobe until I was alone.

I showered, shaved my bum-fluffed chin, dressed myself in my recently laundered fluffy dressing gown, and ate a leisurely breakfast. Returning to my bedroom, i stripped, got my accoutrements from the wardrobe and got ready. Today was the day. And it was!

Much later after much straining, and physically exhausted - arms and legs trembling from exertion, I'd managed 12 posh wanks in one day and used up all my johnnies.

To celebrate I had a nice fried aubergine salad for tea. Yum!
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 21:22, 3 replies)

So in short, your a wanker that enjoys having odd shaped items inserted to your rectum
Rectum? - Nah just stretched a bit.

Prety normal for around here I would reckon.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 23:33, closed)

*you're
www.yourallgay.com
( Sunburn Go on.... It's character building!, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 1:17, closed)

if you read it
i didn't insert anything
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 9:31, closed)