Stag weekend
A few years ago I went on a stag weekend to a major European city (not Amsterdam!).

It took us three hours, but we found the Red Light District and ended up in this brothel specialising in ladies from the orient.

Dear God... The groom to be picked this Thai woman to led him off to a seated area adjacent to the bar, but not exactly private if you know what I mean and dropped to her knees in front of him. Meanwhile, this bint kept coming up to me and hassling me for sex, I replied "no way!" but she wouldn't take the hint. I'd had enough so one of my mates and I waited outside, whereupon five minutes later out comes the groom and the rest of the party.

Apparently, Thai lass was mid nosh when he decided to let out a seriously obnoxious fart. She didn't even flinch and carried on, surely qualifying for praise for her professionalism.

I'd decided from the word go that I wasn't going to indulge (was seeing a very adventurous strumpet at home at the time), frankly, the thought of grinding away with some lass who can't speak English, wearing a run-flat condom and trying not to think too deeply about the fact that her last client was a dirty, seedy Albanian sailor ain't my bag. Still, it didn't stop one of our party copping off with a Britney Spears alike and attempting to "kick her back door in".
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 20 Jan 2006, 14:16, Reply)