Once and what a disaster!
10 years ago now on a drunken weekend in Amsterdam with my mate James.

We stopped off at a local bar met some local geezer, who said he would show us around, ended up getting royally pissed so decided to get a hooker to try the experience, strolling along the windows come across two beauties and we decided this was it!

Cue James finding out that the geezer who has shown us around had stolen all his money from his jacket, and he couldn't afford it, oh well I though and proceeded to the door to be met by some mahoosive bloke! Who promptly asks "you want suck or you want fuck?" "Fuck please" was my reply, and I was escorted into a little room where the girl was waiting. Absolutely smashed, I hand over 70 guilder and she demands me to take of me trollies, which I happily oblige, I am told to lay on the bed, where she wraps the little fella in his protective case and starts on the old Johnson!

Could I get it up! Could I fuck!

She tried for a good 10 minutes but bugger all was happening, so she gave up and asked me to leave, me being a cheeky little scamp promptly asked for my money back and was quickly told to fuck off or the bloke who had met me at the door would kick the shit out of me!

I duly obliged and staggered out to see James on the steps looking all sorry for himself as he had no money, told him it was alright, only to reveal the truth a few weeks later!

No romance that's what I blame, just pay the money get you pants off and let's ride!

Fucking useless!
(DiamonKn My Nan Smells of Twigs, Tue 24 Jan 2006, 15:56, Reply)