sports day
despite being crap at sport, i loved sports day. it always seemed to be warm and sunny, there were no other lessons and you could show off in front of your parents who, if you were lucky, would bring sweets and drinks with them.
one particular sports day i will remember till the day i die.
the day had started well, i hadn't fallen over once and had only come last in one event. all was good.
then, the cry went out: time for the egg and spoon race.
i knew i didn't stand a chance, tommy ball always won this one. nevertheless, i determined to give it my all.
we lined up, grim determination on our faces.
the whistle blew, we were off! tommy ball streaked ahead of the pack, as predicted, but something wonderful was happening; everyone but me was dropping their eggs. this was my chance! risking a fateful egg drop, i increased my speed as much as my podgy legs would allow. my egg wobbled, wobbled, wobbled.....and did not fall. against all reason, against all expectations, i crossed the finish line in second place.
second! i'd never done so well! i was elated. i ran over to my mum, who hugged me and told me she was proud of me. that was better than any medal.

for the next 20 minutes, i had a break as it was time for the hurdles, which i wasn't entered in.
my break ended when the headmaster announced that it was time for the sack race. i'd never attempted the sack race before, never even practised it. it seemed fairly easy.
oh, how could i be so wrong?
the whistle blew and the race began. the other children shot off, leaping across the track like hemp-coated salmon. i, on the other hand, was having a bit of a problem. i was crap at jumping. not only that, but i was finding the whole thing very amusing so, whenever i tried to jump, i would move about 2 inches, then dissolve into uncontrollable giggles. this wasn't noticed immediately, but as soon as the other children had passed the finish line, all eyes were on me. i had traversed barely a third of the track, my ineptitude and giggling making for very slow going.
within moments, the other children started giggling.
then the parents.
then the teachers.
soon, the entire field was howling with laughter, as i struggled doggedly towards the finish line, tears of mirth streaming down my face. i was going to finish, no matter what.
after what seemed like a breathless eternity, the finish line was upon me. my teacher rushed forward, intending to help me over the line. unfortunately for us both, i chose that precise moment to trip and fall, taking her down with me, the two of us landing in a howling heap on the grass.

nobody remembered me coming second in the egg and spoon race, but nobody forgot that sack race.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 17:46, 2 replies)

Hahaha
Aww

I was noted for being particularly crap at the egg & spoon race (at about 6 or so). Allegedly for being the only one who wasn't cheating, which has been the story of my life ever since!
( Cloudane, Sat 21 Nov 2009, 1:14, closed)

we had egg inspections
after allegations of superglue usage
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 21 Nov 2009, 20:07, closed)