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This is a question Performance

Have you ever - voluntarily or otherwise - appeared in front of an audience? How badly did it go?

(, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 9:26)
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Charity Stars in Their Eyes.
To start with, I hate TV programmes like this let alone peforming on stage. I get utterly petrified (despite having been in two bands as well and being able to play a better than average guitar/piano). So I've no idea how I was talked into entering a charity Stars in Their Eyes competition at work a few years back. My friend suggested that we do a duet - he used to be a red coat and is comfortable doing the whole entertaining thing so i thought this would be OK. We decided to try the Proclaimers "500 miles" as it had just been the comic relief record, would suit two guys with mediocre voices and would hopefully distract the crowd from our poorly hidden embarrassment. Also, there was a prize on offer - flights to the Maldives. The travel company I worked for ran a charter flight there so seats weren't expensive to give away. A few days after entering, my friend was sent miles away on a secondment with work. He didn't return for some weeks by which time the event was only a few days away. We decided to bail. So i went to the organiser, one of the office managers and gave him the bad news. He looked like he was about to cry and told me that other people had pulled out and asked if would i reconsider. That stumped me and in a moment of weakness, i said OK, i'd think of something. In the meantime, my redcoat friend had been sent back off on his secondment leaving me to ponder my fate alone. I had to decide what to sing and presented myself with the following criteria - it's got to be mercifully short, something reasonably lively and something that i know all the words to. And so, a week or so later I was stood behind a stage curtain, surrounded by billowing dry ice, absolutely shitting myself and about to be unleashed on a crowd of about 500 strangers and colleagues dressed in a spangly Elvis jumpsuit, '50s' wig and sunglass to sing the King's lesser known, but awesome song, Guitar Man. My prayers were answered and I didn't screw up, and people were even kind enough to give me a good cheer. I didn't win though. That went to some professional-style cunt of a singer who brought lots of her mates to watch her sing that song off of The Bodyguard. She even blacked herself up for it. What a racist. A lot of people spoke to me after the show to say well done (which was nice) but most people just said they'd never heard of my song before. Arseholes.
(, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 11:00, 3 replies)
Your performance sounds cracking. For what it's worth, anyone who is even slightly better than amateur should be banned from taking part in these types of events. It takes the fun right out of them.

(, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 11:18, closed)

I agree. What a cunt, taking it seriously and all ;-)
(, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 12:41, closed)
Elvis and blacking up
...this sounds seriously like the kareoke competition in Father Ted.
(, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 14:06, closed)

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