Personal HygieneThere comes a point at which your hygiene becomes less your problem and more everyone else's:
My old school nurse never seemed to wash - instead she wrapped herself in crepe bandages from the first aid kits. The smell was beyond pungent. If you got ill at school, it was better to suffer than try and explain symptoms whilst only breathing out.
When she was eventually 'let go',they had to strip the wallpaper in her office to get rid of the lingering odour.
How scuzzy have you got? Or, failing that, how bad have people you know got?
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chthonic, Thu 22 Mar 2007, 12:40)
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Bike weekend grimnessAs any regular reader will know, I'm a keen mountain biker and have spent many a weekend inder canvas roughing it by night and getting covered in mud (it's good for the skin) by day.
My first such trip was in the summer of 2003 when myself and three pals headed for the Peak District. Two of the three guys in question are builders while the third was very much the outdoorsy type. We'd found a campsite somewhere reasonably civilised near Edale and thus had access to showers and sanitation, all a huge plus.
We rolled up in the dying hours of daylight on the Friday and immediately set to work assembling tents for each of us. By the time everything was pitched we were a tad thirsty and headed off for beer at the local pub.
We'd probably overdone it to be honest and while not actually rat-arsed we were definitely on the way. As we slumped in our tents each of us became aware that a visit to the bathroom was necessary to ensure a comfortable and dry night's sleep.
The trek to the campsite loos was about three hundred yards in pitch darkness so I managed to scramble out of the tent in the pitch dark and stumbled over the other guys tents in search of a bush to bless.
"Gerroff you cahnt!" was the response as I tumbled into Phil's tent. I managed to get the task done and return to my tent without mishap.
Phil being a lazy bastard simply unzipped the tent flap, pointed the ol' boy downwind and let fly.
Nathan improvised by tipping the dregs of his bottle of coke away and refilling the empty container. The next morning we were greeted by what resembled two litres of apple juice sat outside his tent.
Marcus totally outdid himself. He didn't want to risk spillage, so he hung up a neon torch in his tent and carefully filled an empty bottle in the style of Nathan. However, unknown to him, the neon light shining through the fabric of his tent made a bizarre silhouette show has he guided knob to bottle with both hands.
Half the campsite must have witnessed this spectacle, the first poor Marcus knew was when people started shouting "Cold in there mate?"
(, Fri 23 Mar 2007, 11:15, Reply)
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