The Great Stench...
The funkiest person I know? One of my best friends.

Day is a rather strange person in many ways- somewhere between a mad artist and an equally deranged computer geek. Physically he’s tall and thin, and looks like a blend between Jim Morrison and Tom Waits with curly brown hair that he usually braids, because loose it’s below his shoulder blades- he would make an excellent model, and by all rights should have practically every woman in town chasing him. He makes his living doing masonry work and tree removal, completely hand-to-mouth, on no regular schedule. When he’s not working, he’s typically either in front of his underground server or messing around with someone’s computer to try to resolve their glitches. He’s also one of the most brilliant sculptors I’ve ever met, and is several quantum levels of intelligence above me- he’s a master chess player, can tell you a lot about anything from art history to Norse mythology to some of the more obscure classical literature, and can tell you off the top of his head where to find just about anything you need to find online.

And he’s borderline barking mad.

I think it’s something about having such a high IQ- ever notice how really brilliant people are eccentric or have some other mental instability? (Think of Van Gogh, Charlie Parker, Syd Barrett…) Day is almost invariably cheerful, somewhat manic, and appears to exist on a diet of Doritos, pizza, Ben & Jerry’s, Camel Lights and Diet Coke. He also sometimes drinks a fair amount, and almost always has weed, but I can never tell when he's stoned or when he's straight. (Ever seen Mystery Men? Remember Tom Waits's character, the mad inventor? I swear they modeled him on Day, because he even sounds like that.) His dog Degas accompanies him everywhere- a shepherd/husky mix who’s about the sweetest dog you could ever meet, and is loaded with fleas. His basement apartment has windows that he has covered, so it’s perpetual twilight in there, and is an indescribable scene of devastation and filth.

And he never bathes.

I’m really not quite sure why that is- he has a fully functional shower and there’s a washer and dryer in the other half of the basement where his apartment is- but he has a very unique odor, composed of sweat, dog, cigarettes, weed and something unidentifiable that should stay that way. His funk is bad enough that if I give him a ride the car has a lingering stench for about three days. He once got banned from a cell phone store because of it. He left a coat in my car, and when I found it I had to run it through the wash twice- I couldn’t leave it in my car, and wouldn’t bring it into my house. I flatly refuse to describe what the laundry room smelled like, or what the residue in the washer resembled. He attended an art show where I was doing a reading and my girlfriend had some paintings which was being held in a building with open doors and windows- and the main feedback I heard was how terrible the place smelled while he was there. He is detectable downtown from two blocks away if the wind is just right.

Despite all of this, though, he’s still a very good friend, someone who has been there for me in my worst times and will instantly drop everything to help if I have a crisis. At one point he literally saved my life- I was contemplating ramming a bridge abutment with my car until he happened to meet up with me, and within the hour he had me laughing again. And so I count this cracked genius with his horrendous stench among the best people I know in this world, and will never turn away from him.

Although I have to admit, there are times when I’m tempted to ambush him with a hose and a bottle of Chlorox…

Length? Girth? A Jedi craves not these things…
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 23 Mar 2007, 16:18, Reply)