Me tits hurt
I have one for you all. A mate of mine is a real, honest-to-dog doctor. At the beginning of his career, he acted as a locum doctor in Gloucester for several surgeries. One night, after such a locumage, I went around to visit him and he wasn't his usual chirpy self. Over a beer, the story came out.

He was holding court in a doctor's office, and being a locum, didn't enjoy the services of a nice nurse to get the next person in from the waiting room. About four patients in, with a full waiting room, he went out to ask for "next please" and became aware of an odour. In the waiting room.

Over the next hour or so, the number of patients waiting seemed to shrink, while the stench grew and grew. As he put it "it stank of corpse".

Eventually, he called the next patient, and the stench came in with this somewhat worn-looking woman. He surreptitiously sprang to the window and flung it open, subtly hanging his head outside in the pouring rain gasping huge lungfuls of air.

When he'd controlled his gag reflex, he asked the lady what seemed to be the problem. Opening her topcoat (which proved to be the only item of clothing she was wearing, bar only shoes) she claimed "Me tits hurt. And me cunt, too".

He asked her to move to the examination table (little point in asking her to disrobe behind the curtain) while he smeared Vicks under his nose, and put on two pairs of rubber gloves. Using a tongue depressor, he began the examination. Starting with the lady's boobs, he lifted one of the sagging, pendulous dugs to discover advanced gangrene underneath. The other was the same.

Investigating her lady parts, and talking to her at the same time, it turned out that she'd been a lady of the evening for some three years, didn't believe in condoms, and hadn't washed since her new business venture.

There was crusty cum and other deposits all around her floppy catflap, turning green and mouldy. She had gangrene in her taint. She had public lice (so much that he could see her pubes seethe). The same lice were in her armpits and probably her head hair, too.

By this time, my mate was gipping - the Vicks not being particularly efficacious against this WMD onslaught. He referred her to the hospital, and called an ambulance to take her there.

The ambulance crew later posted him a dog turd to thank him for this kindness.

The stench was so bad in the doctor's office that they couldn't use the room until the carpet had been replaced.

He said that the combination of sights and smells, along with the wet squelching sounds as he manipulated various parts of her body were the most disgusting thing he'd ever had to endure. He hurled, periodically, for three days afterwards because the smell had coated the inside of his nose and he occasionally smelled it.
(lustfish, Sat 24 Mar 2007, 20:28, Reply)