Another good friend...
...had a really horrid experience.

Richard is a really nice guy- we went to college together and were pretty much inseparable the whole time. I'm 16 years older than he is, so he kinda looks upon me as a big brother. As he had been very sheltered while growing up, he needed me to prod him now and then into taking more risks and having some sort of adventure in his life beyond driving his Camaro.

While I was in college with him I divorced, and began dating again- no, not college girls, thanks, but women my own age. So he saw me getting laid a fair amount- while he was getting none.

Enter the Maggot.

Her real name is Margot. She's ginger as ginger can be, freckles and pasty skin and all, with a somewhat annoying voice, glasses, and she never, ever, ever shuts up. She's constantly chattering away about the most mundane drivel in this nasal voice, peering myopically through her steel-rimmed glasses, oblivious to the expressions of agonized boredom around her. After meeting her a couple of times, I observed to Richard that her name was really one letter off, and the nickname has stuck ever since.

So you can imagine my reaction when he informed me that she was now his fuck-buddy.

Okay, I'm not one to judge based merely on appearance- I've had some girlfriends who were very heavy, and not what would typically turn a guy's head. But they had other redeeming characteristics, like being pleasant company. So while I was rather horrified, at least he wasn't considering her to be a girlfriend- just a casual sex partner.

Then one day as we were having lunch together he went to eat his sandwich and got a strange look on his face and excused himself. He returned from the bathroom a few minutes later with an expression between laughter and revulsion and said, "I can still smell her on my fingers."

I looked blankly at him. "What do you mean?"

"I was messing around with the Maggot last night, and I can still smell her on my fingers."

I stared at him. "But- you showered this morning, right?"

"Yes. And I just spent the past five minutes scrubbing my hands. The smell won't go away."

This problem persisted for two days.

Now, I have no idea what sort of weapon-grade mutant odiferous life forms were living in that girl's minge, but I do know that he stopped messing around with her shortly after that- although she still keeps after him to this day, despite both of them being married to other people. All I can tell you is that even now all I have to do is mention her and he shudders.

She earned a secondary nickname after that- STP. Sewage Treatment Plant? Severely Tainted Pussy? Stinking To Putrescence? Take your pick- she's worthy of all of them.

And she has a sister who became infatuated with me at one point.

I think I need to go shower now...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sat 24 Mar 2007, 20:37, Reply)