She was a nice cat, but...
We used to have a cat called Ellie. My wife got her from a rescue centre before we met, she (the cat, not my wife) had always lived indoors and was of a rather nervous disposition. She also wasn't the sharpest tool in the box.

At this time we were living in a flat that was the upstairs of a house: the staircase was part of the flat. The people downstairs got a cat of their own and although Ellie never met this cat, the smell (presumably) made her even more nervous so she started peeing at the foot of the stairs. Scent-marking? I don't know, I grew up around dogs so I don't know much about cat psychology.

After trying various sprays, putting paper down, just plain old shouting at her -- all to no avail -- we decided the only way to stop it was just to prevent her going down there at all. So I went to B&Q, got a sheet of transparent acrylic (easy to cut without serious tools) and some brackets. I cut the acrylic into the correct shape to block the top of the stairs, mounted the brackets to hold it up, and slid it into place.

I went to put the tools away and when I came back through the hallway, Ellie was sitting on the landing by the top of the stairs. As I approached to go past her, she freaked out and tried to bolt down the stairs. She bounced face-first off the acrylic sheet and into the wall opposite, sat looking stunned and confused for a second, then tore off into the bedroom to nurse her bruised nose (and pride).

I have never laughed so hard in my life.

Not long after that she tried to jump through a shut window. She also regularly would stretch, then roll off the edge of the bed/sofa she was lying on. I thought cats were supposed to be smart?
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Fri 8 Jun 2007, 11:07, Reply)