My little Phat fishy!!!!
When I was about 10 years old I had a pet fish that I won at the fair. I named him “Phat” because he was fatter than all the other fishes and he was damn cool. This was my first (and last) ever pet and I had no idea how to care for him. After a few months or so (geriatric for a fairground goldfish) I was very happy for my little pet but the water was starting to look a bit murky so I decided to give his tank a clean...

I grabbed the fish tank with little Phat inside and took him to the bathroom where I stuck him under the tap to sort of dilute the dirty water and therefore cleanse it slowly as the dirty water overflowed and was replaced by clean water flowing in from the tap.

I was of course very careful to make sure that little Phat didn’t “go over the top” and end up in the sink but unfortunately I was not so cautious with the water temperature... It was very hot. The first I realised the magnitude of my error was when the little fishy started swimming extremely fast in tight little circles around the bottom of his tank and my hands started getting uncomfortably hot from holding the glass fish vestibule...

Needles to say that Phat died that day. I was on my own in the house as my parents were at work so I was forced to hold a little ceremony in his honour – alone, guilt ridden and angry - only a few feet from the murderous hot tap of doom to which he had succumbed. And then I had to flush him away to fishy heaven...

One of the saddest days of all time…

It was made even worse when my mum got home and found me in the bathroom with the empty fish tank and asked “Where’s your little fishy gone?”

I was too ashamed to admit that I had killed him by scalding him to death so I told my mum that I flushed him down the toilet so he could go back to his friends in the sea because he looked lonely.

My mum kicked my arse up and down the stairs for that one, all the time asking “how would you like it if I flushed you down the toilet, eh? Eh?!?”



(Sorry for lack of humour but it’s never stopped Frank Spencer!)
(aroe_m0rre, Fri 8 Jun 2007, 15:34, Reply)