Another tale about Hedley
A tale I'd blanked from my mind as the memory is still painful.

From my point of view:-

Wake up in the morning with the usual wooden salute. I turned to the ex-missus (the made psycho one, in case anyone actually follows these) and gave her an obliging 'nudge' with my pole. Psycho ex-missus grunts a reply that sounds a bit like 'fuck off'.
A few nudges later an it's obvious I'm not going away to take care of things by myself. Some negotiation ensues. Luckily, she's not having one of her 'touch me and I'll cry cos your trying to pressure me into having sex more than twice a year' days.
Result in my favour and she starts to give me a hand shandy. I lie back, close my eyes and enjoy.

From Hedleys point of view:-
Hedley likes chasing things. Hedley likes jumping on things. Hedley especially likes jumping on things that are moving.
so, Hedley comes into the bedroom looking for some hugs. Hedley gets on the end of the bed and spies that under the duvet, something is moving.

It was at this point that I opened my eyes. The sight that beheld me has been etched into my brain ever since. The cat was about four foot over the bed. Having launched himself in a perfect arc and with his front paws together, ready to crush the life out of the 'moving thing' which (in case you are really slow today) is my hand shandy.
With pinpoint accuracy he landed with all his weight on my testicles which, up until then, had been having a mighty fine time indeed.
I don't know if any of you have ever been smacked in the balls whilst having sex, but it doubles the amount of pain you get.
Mad psycho ex-missus thought it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen and pissed herself as I thrashed about in agony.

The cat had fucked off, job done.

I kept the bedroom door closed after that.
(EvilMeister, Fri 8 Jun 2007, 16:51, Reply)