Vicious
Not my pet, I never found out whose it was. This should also have been posted under 'when animals attack', but i haven't quite perfected the time travelling device yet. My mate Seth used it a while back and turned into a fly! Fancy that!

Back when i was a God-botherer, I had agreed to deliver some leaflets for one of my churches fantastic outreach events (mainly fantastic for the sumo suit/golf club games we used to have), and was with two other guys in the middle of Brighton, ready to post said leaflets through letterboxes etc.

I'd posted about three when all of a sudden, something snagged my hand. Jesus! Gash! Other profanities! i recoiled, and stared at my hand,or more specifically the end of my middle finger on my right hand, which had a rather nasty gash in it, right through the nail. I can still feel the pain now, it was excruciating. I mean, just about the most dreadful pain i can ever recall experiencing.

All the nerve endings and the nail were pretty much decimated from one dastardly dog's insidious chomper.

I staggered out into the middle of the road (Ditchling Road for any Brightonians, and, come to think of it, was lucky not to get mowed down by a car) and gestured for help to the other guys. They just thought I was waving at them, until they saw the blood spurting out from all directions.

I was taken to the hospital, and I hadn't picked up any infections or such like, so was largely ok, but I was seriously debilitated from just losing the use of my finger and subsequently my hand, as I didn't want to take the risk of bashing it and opening the wound. the bandage stank, and then stank of rotten deodorant when i tried to 'freshen it up'. Fool I am.

People still ask me what happened, as in the intricacies of the actual attack. the truth of the matter is that i shall never know what went on inside the door, but the chances are that the dog took a liking to the leaflet and also inadvertently munched my finger in the process.

I guess in hindsight this story is tame compared to people losing legs to animals etc, but it hurt like a bastard for about two days. It has also given me an innate fear of dogs, and subsequently I tense up uncontrollably when i see them. Also my nail feels as though it is upside down, which is very weird i can tell you.

The moral of the story is don't be a God-botherer. JOKE! Don't though, they turn you into some kind of leaflet-robot, and expect that prayer will ease the pain of having half your fingernail eaten off. Sure.

Apologies for length, perhaps if it had been my little finger the mutt would have missed...

p.s. apologies for going off topic, but it involves someone's pet. i'm sure they laugh about it with their kids. 'Ho ho ho, remember that poor bastard. Now sit down and let daddy ream your bottom, there's a good boy.'
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Wed 13 Jun 2007, 9:34, Reply)