All day long - my foot up a dog's ass! Yes, BANG BANG BANG up his ass!
Has anyone ever seen 'Fridays'?

I have a phobia of dogs. I think it's because when I was a child out for a walk with my dad, one attacked me and he had to fend it off. And obviously, because three year olds tend to be quite small, this drooling Rottie seemed enormous and very very frightening to me.

Well, over the years this phobia has dwindled to the point where, for the most part, they just piss me off. Hence the title - I have become like Craig's dad in Fridays. Every time I walk past someone's gate and some stupid little critter decides to bark at me, I fantasize about booting it in the arse repeatedly until it shuts up. Or pouring petrol on the little twit just to teach it a lesson.

Sometimes I stand there, look it in the eye, and try and project venomous thoughts at it. I have managed to make dogs back down this way.

But yes, dogs. I hate the fuckers.


(Not all of them, though. Gentle or playful dogs I can handle. It's just thick and agressive ones that make me want to burn them.)



(Oh, and I'm not enough of a cunt to really harm an animal. Not unless it actually did go for me.)
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 15:16, 1 reply)

Westies
This might gladden your heart then.

When my Dad was younger, he loved scooting about on his Triumph Bonneville motorbike. Each time he was heading back to my Gran's house, a little West Highland Terrier would run out into the street and yap at him.

One day my Dad decided to stick out his foot, while travelling at 40 miles an hour, and express his displeasure at the little fellows antics through the medium of motorcycle boot.

The poor wee bastard somersaulted over a hedge.

From that day on, the dog stood at the garden gate while barking at my Dad
(drunkenfud, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 15:36, closed)