Eating in public
Not really a phobia as such, but it often makes me uncomfortable if indulging in the activity with people I didn’t really know.

Eating.

Yep, theactivity that is part way essential for survival.

I’m quite a shy person (no, really) and indulging in basic, everyday activities such as sitting down and having a meal with people I don’t know very well often makes me extremely nervous. I get acutely aware that I’m being scrutinised (I’m probably not, but it feels that way), and as a result am overtaken by a mild paranoia that I’m lacking in the necessary social skills to get through a whole meal. If it’s a serve yourself scenario, do I wait until offered the potatoes / carrots / whatever on the table? Or do I be bold, grab the tongs and help myself?

Then there’s the issue of quantity – how much is acceptable to dollop on your plate? A modest helping, so that others can have their fair share and everyone can go back for more later? Or a great big ‘I’m a greedy cunt and I don’t care who thinks it’ portion that runs the risk of being half left because I took waaaaay too much, and consequently there are no seconds left for anyone who wants them? I worry about these things. I also worry that I’m going to drop assorted vegetables all over the table, spill wine (I did do that over someone’s wedding dress once – fortunately it was white wine and not my preferred red), and dribble gravy down my front.

I’m not so bad now, but it did used to make me break into a mild sweat. At least I’ve mastered the art of chewing with my mouth closed, and don’t make a noise like a concrete mixer when I’m masticating though. That really does make me cringe.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 10 Apr 2008, 16:48, 9 replies)

No, you don't sound like
a concrete mix-

Oh. You said masticating.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 17:08, closed)

^ I wondered
How long it would take. Spot the deliberate use of a word that sounds a bit like something rude...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 10 Apr 2008, 17:12, closed)

My Mrs suffers from the same problem
it saves me a fortune in not having to take her out for dinner anywhere.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 17:15, closed)

Damn
I wish people would stop reminding me of my various failings.

I feel uncomfortable eating at work - we don't 'do' lunchbreaks in this business, so it's eat at your desk. Some will quite happily open a lunchbox the size of an Austin Allegro and chomp away for ages. Me, it's 'ram-the-scoff-down-sharpish' or shove it back in my desk drawer if anyone approaches.

Wierd.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 17:17, closed)

One really cannot beat
Greek table manners. I'm afraid I am guilty of these. Meal times are a family / social affair. The protocol is to load one's mouth with a plethora of TITbits, THEN speak. Much to the disgust of my mother.

I love it when Sweary Junior does it when we're round at the folks' for dinner.

"Sweary Junior, PLEASE do not talk with your mouth full!" emplores my mother, "finish chewing, THEN speak".

"Er, the boy is respecting his heritage actually, Mother..."

Hee-hee... I used to drive her crazy by putting bogroll in her bathroom bin too.
I am going to Hell in a handcart.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 17:34, closed)

Good god...
...it's like a page out of my brain thoughts! I've gone hungry when stuffs been passed about, as I assume it's rude to take some!? I just stare at it whistfully as it's passed down the table.
(bacontrout got ska, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 17:47, closed)

Hmmm
I'm beginning to think Davros is actually a manifestation of the GIANT SPACE LIZARDS that secretly control us all.

How else could he have access to our innermost scoff-related cringes?

*hides from Lizard brain-rays in lead-lined room complete with 1 years supply of food, 1000 rounds of ammunition and tinfoil hat*










*remembers not drilling air-hol
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 18:06, closed)

I used to fear
calls from my wife when I was at lunch, because she would chew with her mouth open into the phone.

Few things put me off more.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 10 Apr 2008, 18:07, closed)

I must disagree with my beloved on this one I'm afraid
Talking whilst eating isn't a major bugbear for me, depending on how it's done. It is quite possible to be coherent with a morsel of food in ones mouth, as it is possible to pouch it in one cheek and speak. However, it is odd that in some cultures it is acceptable to shovel great forkfulls into ones gob and then engage your fellow diners in conversation before chewing even commences. That's just, well, gross. Much as I agree that mealtimes should be sociable occasions, that doesn't involve spraying half chewed food all over the table and guests.

Social graces at the table as well - like not starting to eat before everyone else is served / sat down. We had some friends round at New Year, and before everyone had even sat down and picked up their cutlery, one of them had demolished half of her dinner...

My biggest bugbear, though, is noisy eating. Sometimes it is unavaoidable - crunchy things, for example. You just aren't going to be able to eat quietly with crisps and biscuits. However, for most things it is possible to eat quietly WITHOUT providing your own bloody sound effects. Like the cunt that sat opposite me on a train and proceeded to slurp and smack his lips whilst demolishing 3 tubs of houmus, several sticks of carrot and celery, and three cans of cider. For four hours solid.

Quite the most nauseating thing ever.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 11 Apr 2008, 14:22, closed)