For my own part I'm not too bad...
But my tale concerns a lass I used to know fairly well.*

She was scared of wasps, not an uncommon fear it seems, and not entirely irrational. They're stingy and aggressive and don't take "fuck off and die" for an answer.
I'm pretty sure I could take one in a fair fight though, so not so scary to me.

G however...
Picture the scene, it's a motorway (M4 or M25 I seem to recall) and G is driving her aged Vauxall Chevette Automatic at monstrous speed with yours truely in the passenger seat .
Suddenly in through one of the air vents appears a buzzy thing, black and yellow stripes, bad attitude and pointy stinger. Yep, wasp time!
So what does the dear girl do ?
Scream, and curl into a feotal ball, pulling her hands off the wheel and her feet off the pedals and leaving the car to career significantly out of control at the aforementioned monstrous speed.

Myself, being but a callow youth hadn't passed my driving test at that point but, grabbing the wheel, holding my hand down where I hoped the horn was I did my best to guide the car off the road.
Managed it without hitting anything more by luck than judgement and once on the hard shoulder with the car just rolling along at idle popped it out of gear, climbed out and sat on the grass, getting my act together.
A few minutes later G wanders over and asks if I'm Ok, the wasp presumably having buggered off through the open car door at the first opportunity.
"No, I'm not Ok" sez I "You just came fucking close to killing us both you moron"
"You don't understaaaaaaand" quoth she, all injured innocence. "there was a WASP!"

Yeah wasps, scarier than being crushed to death in a hideous mangle of twisted metal.
She was right, I don't understand...


*Alas, not well enough. She considered that going out with your friends was "sick" so she'd only ever sleep with someone she was pretty sure didn't actually like her.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 17:26, 3 replies)

You sir are a saint.
I'm a very understanding soul about a good deal of psychological foibles, but she'd have earned a stiff cuff round the back of the head from me and a rebuke for being so fucking stupid.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 10 Apr 2008, 17:29, closed)

@PJM
(blush)
I thank you.
But not sure I deserve the accolade, I was still shaking too much to stand reliably, never mind adminster a slapping.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 17:49, closed)

If you HAD
slapped the cunt, she'd possibly have been convinced you didn't actually like her... eh? eh? Missed opportunity!
(buggeringfuck, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 14:25, closed)