The Wombles of the Noughties
Tomsk is a Burberry clad, alcoholic Womble with learning difficulties. He regularly comes home pissed, beats Madame Cholet and openly mocks Great Uncle Bulgaria even though he is incapable of spelling "Bulgaria". He also claims £37,000 a year from the state in benefits, doing his bit for the environment by not working. Tomsk owns a Subaru Impreza with no insurance or MOT.

Great Uncle Bulgaria has Alzheimers and thus requires round the clock care. Tomsk is his designated carer. His Alzheimers means that he no longer remembers his secret past as an officer of the Waffen SS during the war. Sometimes he stares wistfully at the battered Iron Cross in his pocket and hums marching songs to himself with a faraway look in his eye.

Madame Cholet is an illegal immigrant womble who came to the UK via Sangatte where she learned to speak with a faux French accent. She is employed as an Outreach Co-Ordinator by nearby Lambeth Council where she manages the £250,000 budget for "socially disadvantaged single female wombles" and is sleeping with a local judge therefore her citizenship application is a mere formality.

Orinoco's cocaine habit is running out of control, so he is forced to make his living as a rent boy in the Clapham Common area and is regularly picked up by MPs. He's been shafted by more Liberals than a European Treaty Referendum.

Tobermory has photographic evidence of Orinoco together with several New Labour front bench MPs and therefore has ensured that Wimbledon common is excluded from the list of potential sites for 2012 Olympic facilities.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 15 Apr 2008, 17:31, Reply)